Vitalogy | Issue 13

Posted 2:12pm Sunday 28th May 2017 by Prof's Wood & Ruddock

This is a disease resulting from the bite of a rabid dog, or from its licking an abraded portion of the skin, the chief characteristics of which are severe constriction about the throat; spasmodic action of the diaphragm; a peculiar difficulty of swallowing and consequent dread of fluids; anxiety Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 13

Posted 11:28am Sunday 28th May 2017 by Charlie O’Mannin

To start this week, the ODT has discovered someone with superhuman powers. Of course, personally I prefer CEOs who remain firmly in the past, or, better yet, just sit and stare into space with profundity, and maybe a little drool.   Next, some people have had a rather unfortunate Read more...

Cookin' Up Love | Issue 13

Posted 2:19pm Sunday 28th May 2017 by Lovebirds

Each week, we lure two singletons to The Captain Cook Hotel, give them food and drink, then wait for their reports to arrive in our inbox. If this sounds like you, email critic@critic.co.nz. But be warned--if you dine on the free food and dash without sending us a writeup, a Critic writer will Read more...

Ethel & Hyde | Issue 13

Posted 1:43pm Sunday 28th May 2017 by Student Support

Dear Ethel and Hyde I can see my breath in my room and all my clothes and bedding feel damp. I am ‘not allowed’ to use a heater because we all agreed to that at the start of the year. I’ve changed my mind, but don’t want to cause a fight. Please Read more...

Wild Buck is The Most Scullable Beer in The Country

Posted 1:40pm Sunday 28th May 2017 by Swilliam Shakesbeer

Wild Buck is beer from the good old days, when men were men, a spade was a spade, and it was possible to buy property in Auckland. There’s a genuine argument to be made that Wild Buck was specifically designed to be the most scullable beer in the country.  Understanding the brewing Read more...

Vapourium Presents Science Tank | Issue 13

Posted 1:51pm Sunday 28th May 2017 by Wee Doubt

By looking at a person’s hair you can make assumptions about their age, ethnicity, gender, occupation, political views, their taste in music, income, lifestyle, religion, health, and sexuality. All from something that makes you want to puke if you find it in your meal.  Hair matters. Read more...

Poetry Corner | Issue 13

Posted 1:54pm Sunday 28th May 2017 by Charlie O’Mannin

His wispy fingers fiddle with his penis flicking, scraping, brushing, bursting into imaginary mates with a phantom orgasm.  He clambers around his simple platform and ropes. His enclosure is the kindergarten of children looking in. Their breath pearls the glass.  I question the Read more...

Mystery Object Hunt (May 29 - June 4)

Posted 2:01pm Sunday 28th May 2017 by Critic

This week we welcome a chilly start to International Mud Month – with the rain we are having as I write this, I don’t doubt it will live up to its name.  Monday 29 May This must be my favourite day of the year: Put A Pillow On Your Fridge Day. Not only is it perfectly Read more...

Line

Posted 2:34pm Sunday 21st May 2017 by Mel Ansell

Illustrations by Axel Graham-Wiggins A 600-leg creature hulked with its head in Refuel, trying to get warm. Its many protuberances waved drunkenly. We had planned to arrive early to Pint Night, but, after I found my shoes and my flatmate Selena found her ID, it was 9:15pm. One obligatory, but Read more...

David Clark | Issue 12

Posted 1:47pm Sunday 21st May 2017 by David Clark

I’m proud of New Zealand’s history of educational achievement. Despite falling a few ranks in recent years, we still score well by international standards. And many of us have taken up the opportunities of further education. Our slide down the rankings shows why we cannot take our Read more...