The Hell Hole | Things that disgust me Part II

Posted 2:20pm Sunday 3rd September 2017

Drinking a glass of someone else’s phlegm. Making out with your dog. Caking your open eyes in dry sand. Swallowing a whole plastic bag then pulling it out again. A couch that someone slept on for thirty years. Fish feasting on a rotten human foot. Your butt pubes and your head hair swapping. Read more...

Inventions Out of Time | The Pope

Posted 1:49pm Sunday 3rd September 2017

5/5 Great hat. Also, Popemobile. Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 21

Posted 11:02am Sunday 3rd September 2017

To start this week, the ODT is reporting on something that will revolutionise agriculture. Just imagine a future where humans are able to grow crops. Close your eyes and imagine. Just imagine.   Next, the ODT has finally lost the ability to tell young people (people under the age Read more...

Inventions Out of Time | Pipes

Posted 12:17pm Sunday 20th August 2017

Various/5   This week we’re talking about pipes. Pipes are very old. In the Beginning, when pipes wriggled out of the ground like snakes (Snakes, 5/5), pipes were only cool enough to hang out with legless lizards (Legless Lizards, 0/5). How things have changed; the genealogy of Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 20

Posted 10:54am Sunday 20th August 2017

Make way! The messiah is among us. Make way! For He shall lead us through the fire.   Then, a cutting piece of investigative journalism. Turns out melons cost more in winter. Who knew.   This week the ODT has some truly mindbending wisdom to Read more...

The Hell Hole | Things that disgust me

Posted 12:42pm Sunday 13th August 2017

Cats with hands, kelp with hands, mould with eyes. Unanswered emails. Your toenail on your sheets. Falling into a wood chipper. A greasy coffee cup. Peeling your veins with a potato peeler. Balloons filled with mustard gas. Mugs with chipped rims. Teeth made out of porcelain. Anything smaller than a Read more...

Inventions Out of Time | The Egyptian Pyramids

Posted 12:22pm Sunday 13th August 2017

2.5/5 One of the biggest problems with Egyptian Pyramids is their distribution. Out of the 196 (suck it Xi) countries of the world, Egypt is the only country that has Egyptian pyramids. We need to fairly distribute those resources. We are the 99.489 percent. Of course one of the large popular Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 19

Posted 11:06am Sunday 13th August 2017

This week a mysterious event has thrown the ODT office into even more confusion, suspicion and vibration than normal.  Spontaneous combustion is just a normal day at the ODT. Unfortunately the flames were a curious beige-khaki. And wet. The ODT doesn’t like being wet. It reminds Read more...

First naked person in Lumsden since 1934

Posted 10:34am Sunday 13th August 2017

Satire An already riveting debate over the extension of a council bylaw on freedom camping in the Stewart Island town of Lumsden suddenly became breaking news last Tuesday as His Worship the Mayor of Southland Gary Tong revealed that he had, in fact seen a naked person in the town, something that Read more...

Inventions Out of Time | Breathing

Posted 12:51pm Sunday 6th August 2017

3/5 When it comes to breathing I can not let my personal feelings (Personal Feelings: 3.5/5) get in the way of providing an objective review. I’ll make it very clear: I do not like breathing. I think it is pointless and repetitive and takes too much effort. However, I acknowledge that other Read more...