UoO Moaningful Confessions | Valliant Vomiter Vandalises Venue

Posted 1:24am Friday 26th July 2019

t was my 20th birthday. I was probably the most smashed I have ever been; to the point where I am legitimately surprised that I remembeIr this much. I went to town after a few too many brews (and far too many cones) with no ambition to go home with anyone, but once being introduced to this guy Read more...

Top 10 Reasons To Drink In Your 30s

Posted 1:09am Friday 26th July 2019

1. You watch your friends have kids and although you couldn't imagine anything worse, you start to realize the reason you don't want kids is because you grew up knowing that you were an annoying piece of shit that was a total hassle, so that's what kids mean to you now. 2. You hate Read more...

Harlene Hayne's Salary

Posted 12:57am Friday 26th July 2019

1. 196,969 x 5 pack noodles 2. 2167 ounces of marijuana 3. 20,312 boxes of Billy Mavs 4. 4,333,333 minutes on a Lime scooter 5. 325,000 McDonalds cheeseburgers 6. 503,875 Bic pens 7. 34,228 boxes of Durex classic condoms 8. 520,000 boxes of Space Man Candy Sticks 9. 144,444 Read more...

Critic Blind Date | Elton and Freddie

Posted 5:49pm Thursday 25th July 2019

The hopeful lovers on the Critic Blind Date are provided with a meal and a bar tab, thanks to Mamacita. If you’re looking for love and want to give the Blind Date a go, email blinddate@critic.co.nz     Elton When I found out that I was gonna get to be part of the Read more...

Top 10 (Naughtiest) Things Heard Through The Dunedin Museum Whisper Dish

Posted 5:05pm Friday 19th July 2019

1. A lady asking to speak to the manager because of the service she received, but it’s actually Harlene Hayne asking to speak to God. 2. “You and your sister need to cut it out. The neighbours are getting concerned." 3. Adolf Hitler’s speech to the Reichstag on 30 Read more...

UoO Moaningful Confessions | Riding the Hershey Highway

Posted 5:04pm Friday 19th July 2019

As a gay man, it is always known that there is some "risk" involved when someone wants to ride the Hershey highway. This story from a few years ago always haunts me back when I begun being a pretentious slut. I was browsing the guys on more then one app looking for someone to have some fun Read more...

Horoscopes | Issue 16

Posted 5:02pm Friday 19th July 2019

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Mercury retrograde is nearly over. Chahoo. Make the most of it by moving the furniture around in your room. Show off to your flatmates when you are finished. This week’s old wives’ wisdom: pull out that grey hair and 5 more are gonna grow back. Trust Read more...

Critic Blind Date | Issue 16

Posted 2:11am Friday 19th July 2019

The hopeful lovers on the Critic Blind Date are provided with a meal and a bar tab, thanks to Mamacita. If you’re looking for love and want to give the Blind Date a go, email blinddate@critic.co.nz     Part One: His Superdry shirt made me Superwet, so our entree was a Read more...

Critic Blind Date | Lady and The Tramp

Posted 6:12pm Thursday 11th July 2019

The hopeful lovers on the Critic Blind Date are provided with a meal and a bar tab, thanks to Mamacita. If you’re looking for love and want to give the Blind Date a go, email blinddate@critic.co.nz     Lady On Thursday night, I was out livin’ my best life. I was Read more...

Horoscopes | Issue 15

Posted 6:07pm Thursday 11th July 2019

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 An R18 Mr Whippy van, but for cum. It’s so crazy that it just might work. This week’s website: http://111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111.com/   Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 If you really want to pass HSFY, it’s Read more...