1. A lady asking to speak to the manager because of the service she received, but it’s actually Harlene Hayne asking to speak to God.
2. “You and your sister need to cut it out. The neighbours are getting concerned."
3. Adolf Hitler’s speech to the Reichstag on 30 January, 1939.
4. My bank account number, the name of my first pet, my mother’s middle name, and the name of the road I grew up on.
5. The reading of a yet-to-be-picked-up manuscript called Susan’s Sudanese Sonnets. The story follows Susan, the young, wild, and adventurous mistress of the historically relevant Earl Bottombury in rural, Victorian England. Following Susan's dismissal by the Earl, she leaves to find treasure in Sudan but only to fall ill with a terminal case of typhus soon after beginning her adventure. Therein her last days, the young mistress spends her time writing romantic sonnets to Earl Bottombury who only replies with vicious insults like ‘slatternly’ and ‘gibface’. (Word around the whisper dish is that Keanu Reeves is a shoe-in for the role of Earl Bottombury.)
6. The laugh track from the Big Bang Theory.
7. Dunedin’s Mayor Dave Cull’s stock speech for convocation ceremonies, read by Dave Cull.
8. Leviticus 11:3, “Whatsoever parteth the hoof, and is clovenfooted, and cheweth the cud, among the beasts, that shall ye eat.”
9. The sound of massaging flesh generated by a young lad discovering himself in the night.
10. A polemic written and read aloud by Simon Bridges, detailing what he actually thinks about Jacinda Ardern's child.