News

At this time of year, the look around campus starts to change. Stubbies start getting replaced with warehouse bum-pants, and that healthy summer tan begins to fade into an honest Dunedin white. As well as changing colour, many first years begin to change shape too.
Everybody doing first year is well aware of the dreaded “fresher five”, which refers to the inevitable weight gain that results from shit hall food and lack of physical activity. While an added spare tyre may reduce many stupid fresher’s self-esteem, it hasn’t stopped one girl from getting her leg over nearly every guy in her hall. This Knox Fox has earned herself such a reputation that her hall mates have suitably renamed her. Cute.
 
 
We are well into the semester and, by this point, many first years have given up on trying to get into Med, and have decided to do Physio instead. Despite the fact that the last thing the world needs is more physios, this does mean that there are more freshers out there keen to get on the piss and do stupid shit for me to write about.
 
 
We’ve all heard of the age- old gag of crapping in a bag, lighting it on fire and putting it on someone’s doorstep. The theory is that they answer the door and stomp on the flaming bag, thus getting poo everywhere. Classic gag. Unsurprisingly it was a group of Arana douchebags who took it upon themselves to pull off this stunt on an unsuspecting college flat down the road. Sources tell us the stunt was executed perfectly and the boys were stoked with the outcome. The head of hall, apparently with no appreciation for the logistic coordination involved, has punished the poo-bandits appropriately. Lame.
 
 
Another classic prank that we all know and love is one known as the “old switcheroo”. Two Hyde St residents pulled this off magnificently on a naïve fresher last week after a red card. The boys had been right on it all evening and decided to head to town for some snooch. Flatmate #1 successfully managed to catch himself an easy one (that almost certainly means fat). He dragged her home and helped her get comfortable in his room before he went off for a “shower”. Meanwhile, flatmate #2 strolled into the room and wedged it right up the promiscuous slag. As soon as he was done, flatmate #1 returned and got down to work, picking right up from where his buddy left off. Police have cordoned off the crime scene but so far no evidence of any self-respect has been found. Lol.