News

O Week is a merry week for freshers and prowling second years alike. First year students
have to make important decisions for themselves now, like who they hate in their hall and which girls on their floor have the best cans. The little darlings are getting involved in the Otago lifestyle and are starting to “find their place in the world” and that jazz.

Well, one Cumberland soldier already has. This man single-handedly earned 150 respect points and scarfie immortality after showing a half-full Carisbrook his walnut during the Highlanders rugby game. Now there is a man who knows how to use his diversion to the fullest.
 
Speaking of dicks, no one likes Arana. Even people from Arana don’t like other people
from Arana. I’d bet my left eyebrow more people at Otago Uni know the words to “Fuck Arana” than to the National anthem. That said, all credit to one Arana-dwelling first year who stood up to an impolite second year. The aforementioned fresher didn’t appreciate the drunken abuse frothing from the second year’s gob so proceeded to knock the chump out quicker than Charlie Sheen putting away an eight-ball of coke. Worryingly this is not the only reported case of Arana freshers fighting back. You’ve been warned: shout at them from a safe distance like everyone else, you idiot.
 
Another fresher didn’t fare quite so well after attending a token second-year Castle Street
party. Despite the hosts putting on a veritable feast of ear-splitting dubstep for her to listen to, this girl had an itch that couldn’t be satisfied by dull and repetitive music alone. What better way to fill the void, so to speak, than a game of hide the sausage? After undoubtedly the three most romantic minutes of this girl’s life, she was left with a serious problem on her hands; how to get to A+E for stitches to put her meat wallet back together. Bet the phone call home to mum and dad was awkward.
 
As this whole column has revolved around genitalia it seems appropriate to finish off
with an account from UniCol. One furious, potentially bourbon-enraged, young man was sick of the girl down his hall not sleeping with him so he cannily slapped his package neatly across her laptop. The dirty beggar then took a photo and left it for the unassuming female to find. I highly doubt she took much offence; it was probably far more appetising than any meal she’s had in her college so far.