News

This last week has marked the influx of 2011’s freshers. Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, this lot stand out like a sore thumb as they wander aimlessly around campus in the clean, expensive clothes that mummy bought them before they left the nest. The annual rash of deliciously awkward conversation can also be heard ringing throughout all twelve of the colleges: “Hi, what’s your name?”. “Oh, whereabouts are you from?” “Ashburton…how interesting” “What are you studying?” “Tourism aye. That makes a lot of sense”.
The awkwardness has apparently not lasted long in Knox, however, where stunned second year students have been getting more than they bargained for when waking first years early in the morning for inductions. Eyewitness reports state that first year dorms have seen what can only be described as ‘vigorous intra-floor mating’.
 
Indeed, nudity has not been restricted to the bedrooms. One second year Knoxian stole the show when he obliged the Monkey Bar DJ’s request to remove his clothes. He then proceeded to ‘make-out’ with a fortunate female as the stunned onlookers could do little more than gawk at this incredible display of courtship.
 
One poor Selwyn girl may be feeling a bit uneasy following recent events that took place inside her room. Unlike in Knox, this involved her room being intruded by someone of the same gender. The alleged sleepwalking offender may have been struggling to ‘orientate’ her way around Dunedin when she mistook the victim’s room for the floor’s bathroom. The sloppy offender proceeded to drop her daks and use the victim’s defenceless office chair as a toilet. I hope she washed her hands.
 
Somewhere in the foothills of the Himalayas the Aquinas kids have been mostly behaving themselves.  The same cannot be said for their guests. One visiting member of the public decided that the hall’s aesthetics did not meet an acceptable standard. Showing considerable prowess, this mad snake attempted his own redecoration work on the hall’s exterior, projectile vomiting all over the outside of Aquinas while hanging out the second floor. Although the gentleman stressed that the hall had no need to thank him, they felt they had to and sent him on his way with a shiny new trespass order. There’s just no pleasing some people.