News

You may have noticed that a month has passed since the last Proctology. The reason for this is that the Proctor was on a road trip with his mates. They went to Christchurch and got up to no good, causing significant property damage and several injuries and necessitating a civil defence call-out. You probably heard about it on the news. Anyway, he’s back on deck this week and has had some problems to deal with …


* Firstly, he’d like to pish-posh the rumour going around campus that there’s a black van full of gang prospects cruising around North Dunedin looking for female students to sexually assault as some sort of initiation ritual. Both the police and the Proctor’s office have investigated this story, and found nothing to suggest that it’s anything other than complete bullshit. Statistically, you’re much more likely to be assaulted by a flat-mate with boundary issues than a shadowy figure lurking in the bushes.
* A young man caught egging a passerby was required to write a grovelling letter of apology to the eggee, and include a large grocery voucher in the envelope.
* Somewhat more seriously, bottle-throwing has made a small-scale come-back around campus. Nobody has been punished yet, but in the past those caught throwing bottles have been pretty swiftly executed.
* Meanwhile more young twerps have been apprehended on the roofs of University buildings after hours, generally assuming that they have every right to be there because they’re, y’know, students and stuff. They don’t, neither do you – and trespass notices make it difficult to attend lectures.
 
   Dumb idea of the week
   The Proctor has been made aware of two ‘red-cardings’ recently. At the risk of writing an inadvertent instruction manual, this involves locking a friend or flatmate in a room with a preposterous amount of alcohol and not letting them out until it’s gone. Less intelligent people caught up in this particular example of the bastardisation of the Otago Student Experience™ have ended up in hospital – one with alcohol poisoning, and the other with injuries sustained after drunkenly stumbling in front of a moving car. Not a recommended option.