The Proctor kept me waiting for some time this week while he read a series of grave indictments to some young idiot who had been collared by Campus Watch a few nights ago.
When he finally called me in, he noted this guy would probably be on remand if the police had got to him first, and that he was enrolled for a degree that requires a clean criminal record. I can’t tell you anything about that particular case, but thankfully the Proctor had other dirt to dish:
• There have been a couple of incidents of window-breaking around campus lately, including one in which someone “took exception” to a bus window and smashed it out. This resulted in a $1000 repair bill, which the Proctor instantly passed to the young vandal.
• The Proctor was keen to point out that the disturbances and fires on Castle Street a couple of weeks ago were not, in fact, the result of a regular street party (a la Hyde Street), but rather the result of a couple of contiguous flats holding piss-ups on the same night. The problem emerged, the Proctor claimed, as a result of these guys putting their party on Facebook, which immediately drew in sizable delegations of idiots like moths to a flame. The Proctor took this opportunity to remind people that anyone caught setting fire to anything larger than a cigarette around here will be shot.
• By contrast, no problems were reported at the Agnew Street party, possibly because the organisers didn’t Facebook it, allowing a local, good-natured community event to remain just that. Something to think about.
Dumb idea of the week
Lately there have been several cases of people turning up in flats and college rooms they don’t belong in, and bits and pieces have gone missing. The Proctor wearily reiterated his standing advice to everyone to lock (or at least close) your doors when you’re not home, but he did spare a kind word for a very special little petal who broke into someone’s room, used their camera to take a photo of herself trespassing and then left the camera behind.
Proctology - 17
