News

The Proctor is the University official charged with discipline on campus. Behind his genial boys-will-be-boys demeanour and splendid moustache is a very practical and unsentimental man who, for the duration of your enrolment, has more statutory authority over you than any public employee this side of the SIS. Having said that, his job is basically to keep you safe, and when I interviewed him this week he had just finished arranging Campus Watch patrols to escort kids from Aquinas, Salmond, and Knox through the student quarter to the Toga Party. Given that disruption last year led to a riot that put one poor girl in hospital, that’s something you might want to thank him for. The rubbish skips scattered around the quarter last Friday were his idea as well.

Unfortunately, the Proctor also spends a lot of his time dealing with problems. To whit:
 
He’s already been called upon to deal with a few known local career burglars who’ve managed to bullshit their way into flatwarming parties for the purposes of free beer and free, you know, other stuff. If someone you’re not sure about turns up at your party, feel free to call Campus Security on 479 5000 and get Campus Watch to come and check them out. 
Alternatively, if you spot someone nicking stuff at your flatwarming, you could take your cues from a couple of students who chanced upon a burglar one evening and proceeded to knock him over and sit upon him “frequently and with gusto.” By all accounts this guy, another well-known local ratbag, was “quite pleased to see the police.”
Sadly, some other students have been sitting on their roofs throwing water balloons and “other material” at passersby. There’s nothing wrong with backyard water-fights or whatever, but it’s worth keeping them among people you know. That probably means calling a cease-fire after dark rather than taking potshots at randoms. Urban myths to the contrary notwithstanding, this is not part of the ‘Otago Student Experience,’ and the Proctor takes a dim view of it.
 
Dumb idea of the week
 
Being consistently loud or obnoxious neighbours. What generally happens if there are complaints about this, is that the Proctor gives a formal warning. If it happens again, everyone in the flat gets fined about $100. If it happens again, there’s another fine of about $200 each. And if it happens again, the disruptive parties are “referred to the Provost.” The Provost is the shadowy and sinister university official responsible for supervising the roll, and if disciplinary action gets as far as that office, it usually means that someone’s going to get expelled. It’s probably worth bearing this in mind, especially as there are already several flats this year that are on their last warnings for 2010.