News

Most of us are here at uni in the hope of scoring ourselves a comfortable job, as well as a big fat paycheque, at the end of it all. Two boys from Arana, however, are not on the same wavelength. Forget a desk job; these two daredevils appear to prefer the adrenaline rush of adventure and the opportunity to stare death in the face. Maybe they’ve been watching a bit too much Man vs Wild.
Anyway, the two clowns in question had been hard on the piss all night and decided what they wanted more than anything was to have a ride in their hall’s service elevator. Unfortunately the two thrill-seekers soon got more than they bargained for when they found themselves trapped inside the steel box of death. Apparently it took over three hours before the pair were able to be rescued by the lift’s manufacturers. Critic was told that the lads are now in a stable condition, but it has been speculated almost beyond doubt that they would have had to consume their own urine to survive. Hot.
 

Carrington hasn’t gathered any mention in this year’s feature, so some of you may have assumed they haven’t been up to much. You couldn’t be more wrong. During the holidays, while one unsuspecting resident was away for the week his friends filled his room with newspaper. Newspaper! I’ve met some feral cunts in my time, but that is something else. The sick fucks even filmed the poor bastard’s response and posted it on Youtube. Sickening. My heart goes out to that lad and I hope he makes a full recovery from such a disturbing and vulgar act.
 

On a more cheerful note, hilarious purple graffiti has been popping up around North Dunedin. My personal favourites include “I am a drain” and “I am a window”. However the next one takes the cake. Some cheeky scallywag pasted “I don’t like Selwyn very much”, right on the Selwyn fence. One can only assume the culprit of such a ruthless hate crime must almost certainly be from Carrington.

 
I’ll leave you with something to ponder. When you think of first year sluts, you typically associate them with UniCol. Or Carrington. But one of the sluttiest efforts of recent times has been tracked back to CityCol. In one weekend this lass brought four different men back to her room, thoroughly dealing to the phallus of each and every one. What makes this feat all the more impressive is that the sausage-loving Citycollian is engaged. Appears she isn’t letting monogamy stand in the way of her fun.