It’s that time of the year where your landlord (while simultaneously ignoring your texts about the broken freezer and mould) asks you if you want to sign on for 2020. But how do you know if you should stay in your shithole flat, or risk it all for greener pastures? Surely not with this guide. But in case this is all the research you plan on doing, here you go. Boring and over-done plays on the word WiFi (like the title of this article) don’t count.

Leith Street(s)

 - Skrrt skrrrt

 - Leith me alone

 - drown.me.in.the.leith_:(

Hyde Street

 - Nofurriesallowed

 - Hot singles in your area

 - Hyde your kids

 - Dora the internet explorer

Ethel McMillan/Benjamin

 - ~~~~~just~a~friendly~worm

Clyde St

 - Stop stealing limes

 - Flat earth society

Howe St

 - Ni Howe

 - Helms Deep

 - IwantKFC

Castle St

 - Dave Scott surely not

 - Send nudes for password

 - Wifi beaters

 - cuntsRus

Dundas Street

 - RiseDownGamers

It’s finally obvious why they put up the Dundas Street Wall - because Dundas East residents need to be fucking contained. There were seriously several versions of “X is gay” or “X is a f*ggot” (but without the *). Is this Grindr without the app, or Kyle being edgy? I can’t tell.

Forth Street

 - Our couches pull out we dont

 - Free gucci

Imagine all of the flats that are on these streets, and then look at the list of WiFi names again. What happened, guys? I refuse to accept that we students are so busy with studying and working that we don’t have the time for wacky WiFi-related hijinks. Most of the WiFi names that popped up were [insert flat name and number], or the standard Spark[insert serial number].

You non-named WiFi people make me sick.