A Shitfest On Wheels: I Went For A Ride On On Te Roopū Māoriís Party Bus

A Shitfest On Wheels: I Went For A Ride On On Te Roopū Māoriís Party Bus

Soon the days of being acceptably trashed on a bus will be gone. According to my shit sources (Whatu and Zaine), these shitfests on wheels may be served the same fate as law camp. For years Te Roopū Māori (TRM, the Māori Students’ Association) have been running their bus trips in secret, away from the prying eyes of the Clock Tower and its henchman. Last Friday was no exception, a bus full of nitro-fueled hamps, 6 stops and five hours of Tour by Macky Gee playing on repeat. Was I in The Good Place?

Literally hundreds of people try to acquire tickets every year to this event and only 40 lucky little kiddies get to ride the shitfest on wheels. Mostly run by the current Exec, the night is mainly watching all your mates go from leaders of the future to dusty tarts in a matter of hours.

After a few dirty funnels and a couple shots of Jägermeister, I was ready to enter the home of the first year mouth breathers, Starters. The task was simple, compete in a dusty tower boat race and don’t look like you can’t handle your liquor, easy right? Yeah nah, two stops later and I’m flat on my ass in the middle of Unity Park looking for my shoes after losing my box in the bushes and rolling like a higglytown hero down the hillside.

At the strike of 11 we were dropped in the middle of the Octagon, within minutes I passed out watching Josh Smythe fire dancing. I felt like I had literally come down in the world, as I haphazardly got into a taxi and headed home to vomit out yet another successful mystery bus.



Hei aha a Waitaha ki a hāhuru?


Nā wai a Waitaha i ārahi?

Ngā Tohorā

Kei hea te wāhi i u ai a Waitaha?

Otara Muturangi

Inā hea a Takitimu i whai i ngā Tohorā?

Whai muri i te āwha

Ko wai te tohunga o Takitimu?


He aha tāna mahi ki Te Māhia?

He whakatō i ngā pakake

I a Tainui e haere mai ana, ka ahatia ngā ngaru e te Tohorā?


Nā te aha te tohunga i tango ai i tetahi o ona makawe?

Hei tohu i tana tiaki i te waka

Nā te aha tēnei tikanga i puta mai ai?

This article first appeared in Issue 6, 2019.
Posted 11:40pm Thursday 28th March 2019 by Tukukino Royal.