Culture

Rating: E

Movies, like any art, reflect the culture that created them. If any aliens were to pick up the tired romcom Blended and draw conclusions about our planet’s cultural values, unfortunately they would be morally obliged to vaporise us all immediately.

Formula: Adam Sandler is too slobby, Drew Barrymore is too uptight, UNTIL ONE DAY THEY MEET, blah blah, misogyny, blah blah, Viagra and tampon jokes. He can’t raise his daughters, and she can’t raise her sons, BUT TOGETHER, blah blah, date-rape jokes, blah blah, plagiarising The Brady Bunch, something something, happy ending.

The first thing apparent is the crass sexism of the writers: males are loud; females are emotional; lesbians are gorillas. The only path in this film for boys to become men is to succeed at baseball and shun empathy. Equally, the character of Sandler’s daughter was revolting for giving up on her own potential, much like Grease’s Sandy, having learned that getting a foxy makeover and winking at the rebellious boy in the leather jacket is the only path to success and happiness. Apparently the writers of Blended believe that boobs and promiscuity maketh the woman, and bats and balls (sorry) maketh the man.

My next gripe is that these first-class imperialist assholes travel on a luxury holiday to Africa (it’s all one country) and act like their petty bickering is important. Uh oh, disastrously embarrassing photo on someone’s smartphone while parasailing! Um, has anybody heard of fucking conflict minerals? Child slavery? Land mines? Desertification? The IMF? And what’s this? Every white family gets a complimentary troupe of singing, dancing, African simpletons! And every non-white, non-western character is a servant for a white westerner! We are now back to a 19th century level of racism. Way to imagine cultures complexly, there.

Lastly, the animal cruelty. With riding ostriches and driving quad-bikes directly into a herd of elephants, reminiscent of the horrifying “family classic” Swiss Family Robinson (1960), Blended normalises the idea that animals only exist as entertainment for humans.

This is your culture. Shame on all of us.