Split-Screen Slideshows

Split-Screen Slideshows

Distraction videos according to your degree

As a reformed TikTok addict (getting in as much as 12 hours a day), I know how difficult it can be to concentrate on lectures after years of having our attention spans fried. Sometimes putting lectures on 2x speed just doesn’t cut it, and our malnourished Zoomer attention spans yearn for even more stimulation. Enter: the split screen. One video for each brain cell. Since Otago University is probably still a while away from putting Subway Surfers gameplay up during lectures, Critic Te Ārohi has compiled a list of other recommended educational distractions to use while exam prepping. We understand the struggle, and we care about your studies so very much. Follow us on TikTok. 

Med: Pimple Popping Videos

While pimple-popping videos aren’t for everyone, I think that’s the real strength of their case here, cos it seems like future doctors could benefit from harsh exposure therapy. There’s a millenia worth of pimple popping videos out there, ranging from pretty tame to all-out blood and gore. This way med students can work their way up, and finalise their degrees fully prepared for all the pus and blood that awaits them. Everyone loves pore strip videos, but have you ever looked at a med student and thought that they’d be more chill if they watched a massive horse flank abscess being drained? Me neither. 

Zoology: Hoof Trimming Videos

Hoof trimming videos are maybe a bit more niche, but everyone who watches them swears by them. Horse opinion remains unknowable. Zoology majors are probably either fed up with (or weirdly super into) all the weird animal parts they have to dissect themselves, so it may be cathartic watching one giant horse toenail get its hoof-smegma dissected instead. Harmless and wholesome, but still eye-wateringly disgusting: what all Zoo majors crave. Still somehow less weird than watching human pedicure videos, guaranteed. 

Law: GTA Gameplay 

As Critic established in ‘Law V Students’ (Issue 10, 2024) the best way to become a lawyer is to see crimes committed. Due to the extreme realism of GTA (I’ve never stolen a car, but I run over people in my head) I reckon a law student can learn a lot from seeing professional crooks at work. Y’know, before they see them at their workplace (we’ll leave that comment up to the law students to deliberate on). GTA compilations would bring much needed excitement to strenuous readings. Maybe tell them it’s short for Grand Theft Autocorrect? 

Gender Studies: Rainbow Slime

Pretty self-explanatory. Hardly anyone taking Gender Studies is straight (except maybe Sam), so you’ll probably enjoy watching queer-coloured slime glisten and get squished. Maybe you can analyse the gendered implication of mostly women making slime videos. Do women long for the comfort of something squishy and wet? Or, as an audience, do we enjoy the sight of women’s hands more? Discuss. This was taken directly from a Gender Studies course outline. 

Chemistry: Mixing paint colours 

Chemistry is more balancing equations about nondescript powders than it is about watching fizzing liquids change colours. While the latter is primarily just a great way to get kids interested in science without risking too many yawns, every chemistry student still has that itch: “Colours good, surprise colour change better.” So what better to watch than mystery paint mixing vids? If you get really bored during your lecture, you can try and guess the chemical compounds that make up the pigments and their combos. Write out an equation to explain how exactly blue does that. If your Arts friend asks you what the fuck you are doing, try and explain it to them. I promise to pay attention and not start thinking about what colours dogs see.

BCom: Breaking Bottles

Keeping a BCom student’s attention is hard – just think of that one UoO Meaningful Confession from a girl who struggled to keep her sneaky link’s attention as he searched for his vape mid-root. You’re so used to flashy, fast-paced grindset content that a lecture simply pales in comparison. Hopefully by including the loud noise of smashing bottles it’s at least able to keep you awake. Like how zoos play rainforest sounds for the animals, maybe you should play atmospheric breaking bottle sounds when you leave Dunners for the break, just to remind you of home. 

SpEx: Minecraft Parkour

Minecraft Parkour is perfect for Phys Ed majors. I know it’s hard for you to sit through a lecture when all you want to do is run around and make sound effects about it. Valid, but still. Split-screening your lecture about – I’m not going to pretend to know, macros? – with a silly little video of athletic prowess in delightful block-form may trick your mind into studying, at least for a little bit. I know how bad you wanna run over rocks hovering in midair, and I really wish that you could. 

Archaeology: Temple Run Gameplay

Maybe a hot take, but I always preferred Temple Run to Subway Surfers, even if the monkey chasing you is TERRIFYING. One can only assume that Temple Run is a realistic depiction of future archaeologists’ careers: being chased by demons, I guess. To be fair, the only knowledge I have of what archeologists do is from binge-watching Indiana Jones before the last one came out, so maybe it isn’t all, “This belongs in a museum!” Live out the good ol’ days of Temple Run, back when you thought Archaeology was “academia, adventures, and khaki!” and not “on the chopping block at Uni.”

Teaching: Baby Sensory Videos

To preface, I’m not talking about CoComelon here. By baby sensory videos I mean those videos of bright colours appearing on screen or dancing fruit. I was tempted to prescribe dancing fruit for all the degrees (make my brain go brrrrr). Much like the med students, surely this will act as exposure for teaching students – we’re not even the iPad generation, and we’re already Like This. Just imagine a full work day of constantly having to plug a random video into the Chromecast to keep a group of brain-rotted kids entertained. On that note, I’m bored now.

This article first appeared in Issue 12, 2024.
Posted 11:05pm Sunday 19th May 2024 by Monty O’Rielly.