Why spend money on something that someone else already has? Whether it be bin space, spoons, or even toilet paper, someone else has these things, and they could be yours with a little courage.
This way of life isn’t new. More than a century ago there was only really one type of car available to consumers: the Ford Model T. If a part broke, there was no need to pay for a replacement. Since everyone had the exact same vehicle, you could just walk down the street until you found a healthy car and take their carburettor, or windscreen, or whatever. You never really owned all your car parts, it was just your time with them. Critic Te Arohi sat down with students that have embraced this piecemeal-stealing lifestyle, who, in acts of rebellion, or maybe even just laziness, appropriated basic necessities from the Uni, their workplace, and other students.
Guy Forks:
Everyone knows the panic of moving into a new flat and setting up a kitchen. Where does everything go? What shelves are for mugs, and what shelves are for plates? Do we need a knife block, or are we just gonna throw them all in a drawer and call it a day?
When Guy* and his flatmates moved in, they realised that between the four of them, they had literally no silverware. But with a little ingenuity, the cutlery drawer was soon stocked full of fresh spoons, knives and forks. “Our entire kitchen, every piece of silverware came from someone’s workplace,” he said. Once the plan was devised, filling the drawer took only “about an hour”, most of which was travel time to and from work, and for most of which Guy said “I was actually getting paid to do this.” It was a swift operation. Guy said, of his strategy, “we didn't want this to be a gradual approach to kitchen completeness. We wanted this to be a one-stop-shop plate piracy activity.”
The only big flaw Guy saw with this plan was that “it means I can’t have my boss over for dinner, ever”. But other than that, things are looking good. Guy’s workplace got new cutlery “which they think are better than before but now they have a surplus again”. However, the rush of stealing may have gone to his head. The thought crossed his mind that he could just “never wash the cutlery and keep throwing it away and stealing new ones”, but on second thought, “that seems wasteful”.
Guy reckons his flat’s petty crime is a perfect example of sticking it to The Man. “I really think ‘fast kitchen fashion’ is emblematic of the global capitalist neoliberal system that we are living in; any way you can rally and rage against that machine, I support”.
Tom Petty
In second semester last year, Tom’s* flat began to fall apart. Weekly shops were not happening, flat meals were atrocious, and the flat itself was, quite literally, falling apart (this is Dunedin after all). Amidst the chaos, Tom and her flatmates decided to abandon the admin of flat toiletry shops and simply steal toilet paper and other necessities from around Dunedin.
Their hit list included other flats in her complex, cafes, and other restaurants, but their main target was the university. Tom reckoned the habit started due to a “general dissatisfaction with the university” and that she felt entitled to something in return for doing an arts degree, so toilet paper seemed a good fit. Can’t wipe your arse with your degree, after all - it’s far too firm. The best places to get free toilet paper, ironically, were her own art departments and other areas that she identified as “generally underfunded, but we decided the toilet paper is not supplied by each department individually”.
However, after a certain amount of time, “the novelty wore off” and she was constantly thinking about where their next roll was going to come from. Whenever the staff bathrooms were unlocked, Tom’s flat got access to the rare and coveted 3 ply toilet paper. When they ran out, tissues were used, which “were a treat”.
It got to the point where every time there was toilet paper out in the open, Tom felt the need to steal it, even at a nice family dinner in Queenstown. She thought her parents “would find it funny but absolutely did not”. She felt like she “looked like a dick walking around with a large roll under my jersey”, and she’s probably right about that. But she argued that there is no bad way to live out your “fourth year rebellious rut”. After some vague maths calculations, Tom concluded that they did not save any money during this venture, as the price of their replacement tissues was incredibly high. If not the price of tissues, the effort and admin of dealing with IBS and ½ ply must not have been great.
Binyoncé
At the start of the year in 2021, Binyoncé’s* flatmate was tasked with getting a red bin for the flat since the yellow and blue bins were supplied by their landlord. However, her flatmate did not get around to it, and after three months, they decided that if they’d made it this long without a red bin, they may as well just send it and go the whole year. This resulted in a monumental buildup of rubbish, which at one point built up to about “10 bags of trash” which Binyoncé came home to after finishing a late night shift. “I gotta grind for the flat”, she decided, and like a serial killer disposing of a body, she secretly disposed of the pile piece by piece in some neighbouring bins.
She was hooked. Throughout the year, Binyoncé was worried her neighbours would catch her. “It was kind of an adrenaline rush,” she said. And like most serial killers that prey on marginalised groups of society, Binyoncé was never caught.
Things weren't always peachy keen in the bin stealing world, though. It’s a tough life of crime. The furthest Binyoncé ever had to go to throw rubbish out was a whopping 25 metres away. One of the worst times, they put their indoor bin outside (classic mistake) and it “got wet, smelt really bad and my flatmate investigated it, threw up, and immediately disposed of it”. At the end of the year, when all the bins were full of student’s $2 shop purchases they actually didn’t need, it was even more of a struggle. It got to the point where Binyoncé was driving around with her mate, leaning “out of the car window, opening bins to check if they were full”.
Despite their no-bin adventure being “pretty easy”, Binyoncé has hung up her criminal hat and moved out of studentville with some new flatmates. They gave up their life of petty crime and now enjoy a placant lifestyle, parked up in the ‘burbs.
*names changed to protect the guilty