Critic Blind Date | Aristotle and Plato

Critic Blind Date | Aristotle and Plato

The hopeful lovers on the Critic Blind Date are provided with a meal and a bar tab, thanks to Mamacita. If you’re looking for love and want to give the Blind Date a go, email




My night started off with my two (female) friends blasting Lizzo telling me I was a ‘bad bitch’ as they objected to many different outfits that I had put on. Naturally, I was nervous for the date so I downed half a bottle of wine right before I hopped on a Lime Scooter, like a badass, and rolled my way over to Mamacitas. From the beginning, I could tell that my date, call her Plato, was a very kind and intelligent person. She was very pretty, and our primary conversation presiding over Aristotelean metaphysics set the mood for our shared meal of tacos and frozen margaritas. As we continued with the conversation, I was quite impressed by her wide breadth of knowledge in the field of Phaedrus by Plato. After that we got into the topic of Mozart’s most scintillating symphonies. We each agreed the Fifth Symphony was much too overrated. I saw a twinkle in beautiful Plato’s eyes as we talked about the need for gun law reforms in my home nation of the United States. She truly was very cute, and certainly very kind to me, but I could tell she just didn’t like me much. No love lost, since she was a great companion for a good time out on the town. After we finished up our conversation of subatomic particles in the ninth dimension, as well as our drinks, we headed over to Countdown sharing a singular dart, to purchase a bottle of wine on our way to the Goon and Cheese party put on by the Ski Club (shout out Ski Club, party was pretty awesome.) My night with Plato ended when I extended an invitation to go and smoke a jazz cigarette, and her declination. All in all a good time, but I just wasn’t what she was looking for. After all, Plato and Aristotle together could never be. 



This is short and sweet but I suppose that sets the tone for the night that followed. After trying to get myself on a last minute blind date, Critic felt sorry for me and offered me one in a few weeks’ time. Tonight was the night, after downing a few tequila shots at Macs and waiting til I was fashionably late, I arrived at Mamacita’s. The Patagonia puffer jacket screamed 3 words: American Exchange Student. I was right, I had nabbed myself a liberal creative writing major from New Jersey that coined himself as the next John Green … what had I gotten myself into? After finally being forced to order, our tacos arrived at lightening quick speed whilst we got to know each other. After being asked multiple times about what I was all about, and having many a compliment thrown my way, I decided he was a nice friend, emphasis on the friend. Conversation stemmed from conspiracy theories and American politics, but no fuck me eyes were being offered back and forth. But we decided to carry the party on and thought it was only right to grab a $7 bottle of Pinot Gris on the way to a ski club party. Sadly, no rocking romance occurred here ladies and gentlemen, I shook him off after multiple attempts to try and smoke some devil’s lettuce. Lovely guy but wasn’t quite the wild blind date I had had in mind, and lets just say the friend request from my date is still sitting there … Thanks heaps to Critic and Mamacita’s for letting this single gal get to go on the blind date before her last semester was up.

This article first appeared in Issue 21, 2019.
Posted 10:14pm Thursday 29th August 2019 by Critic.