Top 10 Worst Messages Iíve Gotten From Straight Boys on Tinder

1. “Sit on my face and I’ll eat my way to your heart.”

2. “I want to nibble ever so slightly on your lower rib-cage.”

3. “I would call you beautiful, but beauty is on the inside and I haven’t been in there yet.”

4. “I want you to sit on my face before long, if that's something you might be into. If you're not into that, I enjoy drinking and discussing extreme music, extreme politics and walks.”

5. “If I’m honest, I just love the taste of pussy.”

6. “Are you here for the meme or for a Critic article?”

7. “Heyyy you down to fuck?”

8. “Wanna come for a ride to the dump?”

9. “I heard the hardest part about vaping is coming out to your parents that you’re homosexual, did yours take that well?”

10. “Hey. You seem chill. Do you have all 10 fingers though? I’ve been burned too many times.”

This article first appeared in Issue 15, 2019.
Posted 5:59pm Thursday 11th July 2019 by Critic.