Dear S,
My boyfriend asked me to try anal and I had a friend that tried it who said it really hurt and it made her cry. However, I am open to trying new things and want to give it a go. Is there a way that I can prepare *down there* to make it less sore?
- Adventurous
Hi Adventurous,
I’m so glad you asked this question. The first time I tried anal it was much like your friend’s experience and I was in so much pain that I cried. The guy seemed to think that I was Belladonna, so he decided to go at it like he was digging a hole to China. Not wanting to be the killjoy that didn’t live up to his pornographic expectations, I wiped away my tears whilst telling him that it was incredibly hot, before rushing off to the shower to clean the jizz out of my everywhere - so I definitely feel your mate’s pain, and understand your reservations. It would seem that the majority of young men get their anal ideas from porn, but they are probably very unaware of the background production that goes into making anal sex a comfortable and enjoyable experience for all involved.
The first advice I will give is to ensure that you are fully comfortable and on-board with everything that you do sexually - if you think that reluctantly submitting to a sexual practice that you’re not that excited about is a good idea, then perhaps you want to be rethinking what constitutes a respectful sexual partnership.
However, if you are really into the idea, then let us proceed indeed!
Make sure you’re aware of the logistical ins and outs (hehe) of anal sex. You don’t want to be worrying about the fact that you’re using an exit route, so consider investing in a douche. A douche (French for shower!) is a butt cleaning tool that can be used in the shower and is pretty much a warm water rinse for your anal cavity. It’s a good idea if you’re particularly frightened of any dirtiness, or if you’re neurotic in general.
It is IMPERATIVE that you use lube - SILICONE BASED lube. The anus isn’t self-lubricating like ye olde vag, so it’s really important to use a lube that isn’t water-based, as water-based lubricants tend to dry up and need replenishing often.
Lastly (and most importantly), RELAX. When I was a kid and the health nurse was giving me my Tet-anus and MMR jabs (I’m old remember, this was in the late 80s), she gave me some good advice: if you tense up, it’s like the needle is trying to go into a block of wood. If you are relaxed, it’s like the needle going into a bowl of jelly. So, onwards my noble steed! Enjoy your salacious ass-fucking. You will never know until you know.
Best of luck
-S xxoo