Sexcellent | Issue 8

Sexcellent | Issue 8

New nookie nerves

Dear Sexcellent

I have recently gotten out of a long term relationship and am petrified at the thought of kissing let alone having sex with anyone else.

Please help!

Yours truly,

Dear Cockfright

How I know your struggle. I think all of us have experienced this at some point, to at least some degree. They say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else, and yet when it comes down to it, you can’t even imagine how you could.

Being with someone for a long time means you know how they tick: how they work, what gets them going and what doesn’t, how you work together and you know all your fave go-to positions without talking. When it’s someone new, you have none of that; which is terrifying. It’s essentially like having sex for the first time again. You may be thinking, what if I do something wrong? What if they don’t like this? Why aren’t they doing what [x] used to do? What if I make weird noises or look weird from this angle or missed a spot shaving my pubes or smell weird or taste weird or….


There is no point in panicking like this. If you are comfortable and it’s time, then it is like riding a bike. Sex is the most natural thing in the world, sex. It’s what we do as human beings, as animals, really. Whoever is sexing you is not looking at these tiny little insecurities that are running through your brain: they are focusing on their own thoughts (trust me, they’re worried about the same things), and in all honesty, they’re probably so stoked to be having sex with you they’re not going to complain. 

Don’t expect the first time with someone else to be as great as you remember: it’s a completely different ball game. Having sex with someone exclusively for a year or longer, especially with feelings involved; that changes (s)expectations. Sex tends to get better when you’ve been with someone for a long time. But that’s not to say that sex can’t be great with anyone else. 

If you feel confident in yourself, if you’re ready, if you want it, and if the other person wants it: it will happen, and it could be great. Give yourself time, and give it a chance. 


This article first appeared in Issue 8, 2016.
Posted 12:18pm Sunday 24th April 2016 by Sexcellent.