Horoscopes | Issue 23

Posted 12:36am Friday 13th September 2019 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Jupiter position in relation to Mercury means if they have a Hilux, run. This week’s repressed memory: James Charles’ leaked nudes.   Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Have pre-marital sex this week and you are going straight to hell, except if you Read more...

Critic Blind Date | Chad and Avril

Posted 12:31am Friday 13th September 2019 by Critic

The hopeful lovers on the Critic Blind Date are provided with a meal and a bar tab, thanks to Mamacita. Critic Blind Date is no longer taking applications for 2019; keep an eye out for your chance next year.     Chad It was a cold night in Breatherville when I applied to do Read more...

Top 10 Reasons to Listen to Radio One 91FM by Radio One 91FM Staff

Posted 12:05am Friday 13th September 2019 by Critic

We play good music We give away free stuff There's a cool dog called Charlie We have better scoops than Rob Roy Your mates probably host a show and you’ve been lying about listening for too long. Tom Tremewan and Henessey Griffiths work there, and they definitely didn’t Read more...

UoO Moaningful Confessions | Virtual Vikings and Vixens

Posted 12:04am Friday 13th September 2019 by Critic

Had a sexual encounter that was unusual, scandalous, or spicy? Send in your moaningful confession to     This one’s a different one than usual but hear me out. This happened sometime 2016-2017, where a young fresh eyed undergrad me in his time not Read more...

Teenager in Polo Cap and Oversized Vintage Tee to Headline Laneway 2020

Posted 11:51pm Thursday 12th September 2019 by The Critical Tribune

Laneway’s recent 2020 line up announcement has declared local Auckland talent, Josh Smith (not that Josh Smith) as headliner for this year’s event. A so-called ‘man of the people’ Josh looks forward to playing Mac DeMarco’s Spotify radio algorithm from his decks while Read more...

Wearing Speed Dealer Glasses at Drinking Events Scientifically Proven As a Great Personality Replacement

Posted 11:50pm Thursday 12th September 2019 by The Critical Tribune

In a recent study undertaken by the University of Otago Psychology Department, participants with a profound lack of personality were found to be liked more by others when wearing quirky shades. This finding was not to the surprise of students interviewed, with one student saying, “that kient Read more...

Lecturer Wasted on Holiday in Queenstown Freezes in Fear Upon Seeing Students

Posted 11:49pm Thursday 12th September 2019 by The Critical Tribune

Microbiology lecturer, Sarah Doctorindahouse, was minding her own business getting completely written off on holiday when she spied some of her students peering over at her in the club. "I just wanted to get fucked up on MDMA on a well-deserved break, but now these cunts are going to be Read more...

Local Student Gives One of Dunedinís Walking Tracks a Go, Cures Depression

Posted 11:49pm Thursday 12th September 2019 by The Critical Tribune

George West, Law and Philosophy student, had tried everything to cure his seasonal depression. He just thought that he was pushing through it when James Heath announced that he was not running for 2020 OUSA president, making him hit an all time low. “I just didn’t know how to snap out of Read more...

Critic Booze Reviews | Bell's Scotch

Posted 11:41pm Thursday 12th September 2019 by Sinkpiss Plath

Bell’s Scotch is an alcohol that should have died with the dinosaurs; the meteorite was close, but not close enough. Scotch is also, coincidentally, the postgrad drink of choice. Perhaps they’ve had so many bad nights with vodka, gin and rum that after a few years of drinking this is Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 22

Posted 10:17pm Sunday 8th September 2019 by R. RY, Bachelor of Arts

  University of Otago Marine Biology postgraduates have reportedly been working on a classified project involving local seal populations. Seems seals struggle to save sufficient serotonin to cite circumspection.       After weeks of lying to himself about Read more...

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