Booze Review: Cola Cruisers

Posted 5:44pm Sunday 7th September 2025 by Joan of Rark

They finally did it. The company who could at this point trademark the term “lolly water” have circled back to the original lolly water: Cola.  Whilst this stuff is not their first dabble into cola flavours, with cherry cola and vanilla cola being other flavour options, it took Read more...

Booze Review: Wild Boar Bourbon & Cola

Posted 10:38pm Sunday 24th August 2025 by Gin Swigmore

I drank Wild Boar Bourbon and Cola while playing a 1983 version of Trivial Pursuit. Half of the questions were about the Soviet Union. Fitting. Like oil and water, bourbon and communism just don’t mix. Drinking Wild Boar makes you feel like you’d be complicit in the Red Scare. The drink Read more...

Booze Review: Thunderdonk Salted Caramel Whisky

Posted 12:00am Monday 18th August 2025 by Gin Swigmore

Whisky is stoic as fuck. Four fingering a whisky glass makes you feel like a wise and mysterious cowboy – a cowboy that has just silenced a saloon with their presence after spending all day contemplating and riding off into the sunset. Drinking Thunderdonk makes you a mysterious and curious Read more...

Booze Review: Saints & Sinners

Posted 9:44pm Sunday 10th August 2025 by Joan of Rark

What is good! This week's booze review was kindly brought to you by me wanting to intentionally get another mockable beverage so you lot don’t think I’m an alcoholic.  Saints & Sinners are a rather funky duo of vodka soda and guarana extract. They’re available in Read more...

Booze Reviews: Coast Road Creamery Chocolate Cream Liqueur

Posted 7:38pm Sunday 3rd August 2025 by Joan of Rark

And with that, the streak has ended. We have finally found a boozy number I would never like to see again, much like high school calculus (good riddance).  This dirty fuck of a drink is supposedly wine based. Judging by the taste it's a red – not in a ‘nicely locked in Read more...

Booze Review: Orchard Storm Crush’d Cider

Posted 5:56pm Saturday 26th July 2025 by Joan of Rark

Dropping sometime around the end of last year, newcomer Orchard Storm Crush’d Ciders are another solid bev proving my theory that they’re making alcohol taste even better to keep everyone drunk and stop societal progress, à la the Kraggle from The Lego Movie or like half the Read more...

Booze Review: Monsuta Lemon Chu-Hai

Posted 5:02pm Saturday 19th July 2025 by Joan of Rark

WSG (What’s good) my pimps, playaz, and operators! It is I, Joan of the Rark, presenting to you what I would like to call “Japanese Codys” (JCs). This is for two reasons: 1) I cannot remember what they are actually called (chur to my editor for fixing the title), and 2) I believe Read more...

Booze Review: Speight’s Hazy Pale Ale

Posted 11:14am Monday 14th July 2025 by Joan of Rark

This article does not start with a sip, but with a journey. Of course, by journey I mean driving from my boozeless flat in the North East Valley to Rattray Street to pick up a rarer drop than most conjured up by those mad bastards under the Triple Star: Speight’s Hazy Pale Read more...

Booze Review: Kristov Orange Label

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 25th May 2025 by Joan of Rark

We’ve gone DI-why the fuck would you do that this week: Kristov Red Label and Raro. Born from a post in the ‘Throwback 4s & Rotary of NZ’ facebook group, surrounded by mentions of monster-ports, premix, and Purple Goannas, this shit should have made like dreads and tribal Read more...

Booze Reviews: Ormond Rich Rouge

Posted 9:57pm Sunday 18th May 2025 by Griselda Pinot

Move over pinot gris, here come the rich aromas of the lady herself – Ruby Rouge. Aptly named, considering the colour of my cheeks after a glass. She presents with a deep crimson body, casting a siren call for an immediate sip.  Is it cherry, strawberry or blackberry that offends the Read more...