It’s monsoon season, so it’s time to get wet. Actually, never mind – this isn’t Moaningful Confessions, that's on the next page. This week, Swig60 set sail (not to that island) and somehow ended up stranded with a box of Fiji Dry and very few plans beyond “see what happens.”
With a six-pack costing you just $20 at Leith Liquor, it’s doing its job: cheap, cheerful, and what any finance major would call a sensible financial decision. Perfectly timed for the final weekend of drinking for the vibes, not just the alcohol blanket. Cheap, tropical, and suspiciously easy – like turning your wholesome family holiday into a 7-day bender.
Tasting Notes
Fiji Dry comes in swinging with tropical fruit – yum, sweet and as inoffensive as your nan on your dads side. Taste-wise, you’re getting a strong Schweppes lemon lime and bitters taste – very ‘first schooner as a kid’ vibes. There’s a subtle presence of rum lurking in the background.
And we mean lurking. At 4.8%, this is basically beer in an RTD costume. The rum is doing great at hiding – maybe too good. You’re not getting that usual burn, just a smooth sweetness, with a hint of citrus that makes these babies dangerously easy to to sip… and keep sipping. Suddenly you’ve had six, and nothing has really happened except a mild staring issue.
The carbonation sits in a nice middle ground – enough fizz to keep it interesting, not enough to leave you bloated and burping worse than that old fuck at the pub does. The rum goes down fine, but deleting a box feels less like a flex and more like a part-time job at minimum wage. This isn’t a sprint drink, it’s a slow burn. A situationship, not a one-night-stand in a can.
Ratings
Grog Robertson:
$20 for 10 is cheap, we’ll give it that. But at 4.8%, you’ll be working harder than a fresher on Re-O trying to prove something. Value is there, efficiency is not. 6.5/10.
Brendan McSkullem:
Chuggable, but not a weapon. You can get them down, but you're not gonna be smashing records. It's a solid mid-tier – like a decent root that you forget about by Tuesday.
Israel Chugasania:
0/10. These won’t have you throwing punches – more likely you’ll be smiling at strangers and thinking your chat isn't shit. Despite the saying, this rum won’t have you feeling the rage.
Waisnorkel Naholo:
These are best drunk over lunch, after spending the day looking at some tropical fish, rather than pre-ing with the boys on a Saturday. In my books, it's not at the top but nowhere near the bottom. Coincidentally, that is also my best guess as to where the clit is.
Speight Shepherd:
“Good for the cruise, not for the chaos.” Whatever the fuck that shit means.
Swig60’s Verdict
Fiji Dry is a tasty little number – light, tropical, and a pleasure to drink. Like a hula girl air freshener for your mouth. It’s artificial, vague promises of an ‘exotic’ experience, and you’re not entirely sure why you like it – but you finish your box anyway.
It's the kind of drink you bring to your girlfriend's flats pres – safe, inoffensive, and won’t have you as the main convo in her flat’s groupchat. You aren't trying to make a statement, you just want to be allowed to shower there (and not get asked to help pay for power).
Fiji Dry shouldn’t be the headliner of your night out, but it makes a pretty solid opening number. You’ll skull a few, feel a little funky, then realise if you actually want to get anywhere tonight – you’re gonna need reinforcements, stat.
Pairs best after a hard week of mostly missing lectures, but not your go-to if the goal is to get properly wrecked. Which of course, we always are.
As always,
Drink responsibly. Or at least strategically.
