Sup pissers and shitters! This isn’t your typical review. We couldn’t remember what we thought of the drinks from Hyde, so we dragged our dusty rears through New World's health and wellness section and picked out 5 of the weirdest beers we could find. If your flatmate cooked a criminal dinner and you're in dire need of a dessert to emotionally recover, you're in luck – this week we have five dessert-ish beers for ya.
The Review
Brendan McSkullem - As cookies and cream ice cream is the second greatest thing to leave a white stain across my sheets, Urbanaut Brewing’s Cookies & Cream Hazy IPA certainly caught my eye. The taste lived up to all my dreams. Initially, you get that classic hazy taste that we all know and some love. It then transforms into a ripper aftertaste of cookies and fuckin cream. This shit fuckin slaps. However, I felt quite ill afterwards, and there was some wack gritty shit at the bottom which did detract from the experience. Overall, this is quite pleasant if you can handle it. After all, it ain't no learner cone.
Israel Chugasanya - The Three Sisters Banana Smoothie Sour made my tummy hurt. It has the consistency of baby vomit and the taste isn’t exactly far off either. The initial flavour is a pretty respectable banana smoothie, but it quickly gives way to lime juice and cat piss, which is great if you’re into that – no judgement here. This ‘beer’ is perfect for our constipated lactose-intolerant readers, which is surely a thriving demographic. You can take it or leave it, but I am certainly leaving it. All over the toilet bowl.
Waisnorkel Naholo - Garage Project brings you a cereal milk stout. Now let's not get carried away – just because it tastes like breakfast doesn't mean you should be cracking one before work, although a tiger wood. Notes of milky stouts are very present, however the cornflake aspect feels like a marketing tactic. Smooth for a stout, sure. But if you’re trying to forget your night, you’d pass out from being too full long before you get anywhere near blasted. You’re not blacking out – you’re just going to be crop-dusting your mates all evening and praying to a higher power that the toilet survives. Fun to try, but wouldn't buy again (much to the relief of the flatties who share a bathroom with me).
Speight Shepard - Urbanaut’s Jam Doughnut beer sounds like something you’d find in a bakery, New World, or the centre console of a dodgy cop car. Somehow, they’ve pulled it off – it actually tastes somewhat like a jam doughnut. That said, like the rest of these, it’s not something you’d drink 12 of and feel good about. I highly recommend this one for a one-off treat instead of your usual McFlurry.
Grog Robertson - Mount Brewing Co's Dark N’ Stormy Cider. I thought it was a ginger beer, but it's actually a cider. I know its in the name, but I was dusty as fuck from Hyde. Give me a break). 6/10. With a mix up like that, you could end up in all sorts of situations you didn't sign up for.
If getting pissed isn’t your primary goal and you just want something weird to entertain the flat (that isn't butt stuff), these are all decent one-off bevvies. But at $7-$11 a can, let’s just say these optimal for getting shit-faced off your student loan.
