Critic Booze Reviews | How to do a Yardie: 101

Posted 2:22am Friday 3rd May 2019

Doing a yardie on your 21st is one of those delightful gems of tradition that still brings a tear to my eye. Watching young third years, year after year, continue to fuck themselves up in the name of a good Instagram caption, well, it’s heart-warming really. And everyone says first years are Read more...

Critic Booze Reviews | Speight's

Posted 8:40pm Thursday 25th April 2019

In ye ol’ Dunedin, there used to be three icons of the metropolitan city. One was the beloved Cadbury factory, blessed be her name. Gone but not forgotten. Another was the albatross colony, until people realized that they were just like seagulls if you squint a bit. Last but not least, Read more...

Critic Booze Reviews | Pimm's

Posted 5:56pm Thursday 11th April 2019

Pimm’s is the perfect drink for the perfect day. On one of those rare Dunner stunners, when the Leith only vaguely smells like piss and the grass resembles Prince William’s head pre-balding, a glass of Pimm’s is the wholesome content you deserve. The drink is weirdly associated Read more...

Critic Booze Reviews | Emerson's Bird Dog

Posted 8:55pm Thursday 4th April 2019

Dear readers, if you had to combine two animals together in some kind of fucked up sexual experiment, your mind might not naturally reach for a Bird and a Dog. Sure, it’s nice and all, but there are such better options. For example, a Giraffe and a Goose, or an Elephant and a Mouse. The key is Read more...

Critic Booze Reviews | Fat Bird Sauvignon Blanc

Posted 9:18pm Thursday 28th March 2019

Whilst you fuckers are losing your shit over NZ Bird of the Year, the real bird of the year was here all along, tucked nimbly in the aisles of your common supermarket. Fat Bird Sauvignon Blanc is a weapon, an icon, a twinkle in your father’s eye. Do you have commitment issues? Are you a Read more...

Critic Booze Reviews | Diesel

Posted 5:42pm Thursday 7th March 2019

Naming a beverage after a kind of petrol is a pretty questionable business decision. I get the vibe they were probably going for – “It’s like fuel, for your body!” but instead Diesel comes across as smelly and messy as its namesake. If I wanted body fuel I would go with an Up Read more...

Critic Booze Reviews : Rekorderlig Cider

Posted 8:02pm Thursday 28th February 2019

Ah. Rekorderlig cider. Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate. Thou art like a juicy medieval farm girl with overflowing cleavage and a father who is away at war. She may not have basic hygiene, but the sweat and sweet juices of the day’s labours Read more...

Critic Booze Review: Bombay Sapphire

Posted 8:09pm Thursday 21st February 2019

When you think of racist old white people, you tend to think of gin. Bombay Sapphire is basically plucked out of Queen Victoria’s wet dream. Wes Anderson would fuck this and call it art.  Gin and tonics were invented for a reason: gin is fucking terrible on its own. The first sip was Read more...