Critic Booze Reviews | Emerson's Bird Dog

Critic Booze Reviews | Emerson's Bird Dog

Dear readers, if you had to combine two animals together in some kind of fucked up sexual experiment, your mind might not naturally reach for a Bird and a Dog. Sure, it’s nice and all, but there are such better options. For example, a Giraffe and a Goose, or an Elephant and a Mouse. The key is to combine a small tiny animal with a big one and watch their precious organs slowly fail. It’s just so much cuter that way. But yet, despite its naming limitations, Bird Dog is full of surprises. Fruity, hoppy and sweet, it’s the pleasantness of a cider mixed with the gratification of a beer.

Bird Dog is not a casual drink. It’s a show-off, look-at-me, older student in a lecture theatre vibe. Just the bottle alone makes you want to put your hand up and say, “well, actually…” You’re wise, you’re sophisticated, and boy, do you know it. You’ve squeezed your tender man tits into a purple vest and all this hard work has made you thirsty. You will sip the succulent IPA on your way to saxophone practice. The drink lubricates your throat and your teacher applauds you on your fantastic playing. You think about her as you masturbate yourself to sleep.

That being said, all this shouldn’t undermine the full-bodied flavours that Emerson’s has bottled for our tasting pleasure. It’s delicious. It’s just so delicious that musky smelling hipsters have ruined it, like they do with everything in life. Thank God my kombucha is still safe.


Taste Rating: 8.5/10

Froth Level: losing your virginity in your 20s.

Pairs well with: Dog Bird. I’m brewing it in my basement as we speak. Buy it. Please. The sales will enable my kids to go to college. It is not approved by NZ Food Safety Standards.

Tasting notes:  Berries :) :) :) yum!

This article first appeared in Issue 7, 2019.
Posted 8:55pm Thursday 4th April 2019 by Sinkpiss Plath.