Man Flown the Coop! Critic Cracks the Case and Gets Another Feather in Its Cap

Posted 6:37pm Thursday 26th July 2018

The system has failed us. The masked person who ran naked into a first year health sci lecture and released a live rooster before running out again is still at large. A university spokesperson told Critic when we asked if the Proctor’s office had caught him yet, “No. Unable to identify Read more...

The Week the ODT Thought of Something Very Clever

Posted 9:43pm Thursday 19th July 2018

While the ODT have always been known for their fascination with life’s most banal moments, this week they sunk to a new low when the entire staff was enraptured by a new type of grass.     Then, we found an amazing section called “Wordways,” where the ODT Read more...

Dunedin Wildlife Hospital Denied Funding from the Otago Regional Council

Posted 8:08pm Thursday 19th July 2018

The Dunedin Wildlife Hospital is still going strong despite the Otago Regional Council (ORC) recently denying them funding. The hospital, which opened its doors in January 2018, has seen much higher demand than initially expected. The hospital’s co-chair, Steve Walker, told Critic that they Read more...

Cock Throws Cluckin Foul Play Before Winging It After Running Afowl of Egg-thority

Posted 8:07pm Thursday 19th July 2018

The Friday before last, a naked man wearing a mask ran into Castle 1 during a first year health sci lecture and threw a live rooster into the seats before running out.  The lecturer tried to remove the rooster, but according to one student, the rooster “wasn’t having any of it so Read more...

OPINION: The Otago Regional Council Are Trying to Ruin the Leith

Posted 8:02pm Thursday 19th July 2018

The Otago Regional Council have unveiled plans to drastically remodel the lower Leith, from the Clyde Street bridge to the stadium. THIS IS A TRAVESTY. The designs, which have been approved by the ORC, represent the complete destruction of everything good and pure in our world.  The Read more...

Selwyn College Ends ‘Sexist and Bullying’ Tradition

Posted 5:58pm Thursday 19th July 2018

Selwyn College has shut down its controversial tradition of second years secretly voting on and publicly awarding nicknames to freshers at their AGM after previous recipients accused the awards of being “sexist and bullying”. Among the awards were “best rack,” “awkward Read more...

Knox Church Hails Jacinda Ardern as Incarnation of God on Earth

Posted 6:33pm Thursday 12th July 2018

In a move that probably should have caused more controversy, Knox Presbyterian Church has confirmed New Zealand’s Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern as God, the supreme being.  The church recently wrote “May Neve and all God’s children flourish!” on their blackboard facing Read more...

How the OUSA Exec Are Doing

Posted 6:25pm Thursday 12th July 2018

In a move that shocked the world to its core, the latest OUSA exec reports were even more boring than first semester. So instead of covering the reports, we’re just going to give you a general update on how the exec are doing based on our half-awake observations.    Caitlin Read more...

OUSA Rejects Re-Affiliation of “Cult”

Posted 6:23pm Thursday 12th July 2018

The OUSA Executive have rejected a proposal to affiliate a club on the grounds that the club is simply a rehash of a previous club that was disaffiliated in 2017 for “bringing OUSA into disrepute, ignoring OUSA directives and breaching [OUSA’s] constitution”. In 2017, the Elohim Read more...

ODT Watch | The Week the ODT Urinated All Over Tauranga

Posted 6:18pm Thursday 12th July 2018

Welcome back. This week the ODT is reporting on some ground-breaking research,       In sinister news,     I’ve seen the Lord of the Rings; I know how this ends.      Next, the ODT wrote a front page story about Read more...