Politics

Small, locally-owned business becomes Big Corporation

Posted 8:39pm Sunday 3rd June 2012 by Callum Fredric

James “Jim” Peterson, the owner of Jim’s Miniature New Zealand Flag Emporium on Hanover Street, has been slammed as a “sellout” after hiring a 20th employee last week, officially pushing his company over the line from “small, locally-owned business” to “Big Corporation”. Protestors have Read more...

If Shane Jones Doesn’t Resign

Posted 8:39pm Sunday 3rd June 2012 by Callum Fredric

Labour MP Shane Jones, who has been dogged recently by allegations that he gave citizenship to an international criminal in exchange for donations to the Labour Party, has entered a bill into the members’ ballot that would, if successful, provide free kittens to all. Mr Jones, who attracted Read more...

The Eagle’s Alternative Budget

Posted 7:40pm Sunday 27th May 2012 by Eagle of Liberty

Liberty-lovers rejoice, the Eagle’s back! Socialists, drop your copies of Das Kapital and The Spirit Level and run to the only place you can hide – the state houses of Corstophine, where the aura of welfare dependency and mediocrity saps the Eagle of his powers. Yes, the Eagle’s back with a Read more...

New Legislation Aims to Deter Unnecessary Legislation

Posted 7:58pm Sunday 20th May 2012 by Callum Fredric

New research by the University of Otago’s Wellington branch has put a dollar value on the rampant time-wasting, political point-scoring, and other such shenanigans involved with law-making in New Zealand. According to the study, each new Act of Parliament costs an average of $3.5 million, while a Read more...

NZ Political Roundup

Posted 7:08pm Sunday 13th May 2012 by Callum Fredric

Critic’s market research has revealed that 70% of students get their news exclusively from messages chalked onto the ground on campus. So not only are you missing out on the political happenings that are so hot right now, you’re probably also contemplating whether Student Life can help you fill your Read more...

What Is A Whale Oil?

Posted 12:51am Monday 7th May 2012 by Gus Gawn

As a change of pace from Callum’s usual dogged endorsement of rightwing doctrine, this week’s political pages will have an “everyman” flavour. No longer will you be subjected to the ranting of a man whose self-awareness and balance is as poor as your Alzheimer’s-riddled Aunty Dot that time she Read more...

The Five Stupidest Taxes

Posted 4:56pm Sunday 29th April 2012 by Callum Fredric

01 | Excise Tax (“Sin Tax”)Excise tax is a tax put on anything the government of the day considers sinful. Classic examples are alcohol and tobacco. Initially, the money is spent on funding healthcare for people who overindulge in these sinful delights, but governments inevitably succumb to their Read more...

When in Doubt, Slap a Tobacco Company

Posted 4:56pm Sunday 29th April 2012 by Callum Fredric

All hail the brave warrior Tariana Turia, leading the small but valiant army of the New Zealand Government against the numberless forces of the evil tobacco companies. While outnumbered ten-to-one in terms of resources, the Government underdogs will prevail – because they have moral righteousness on Read more...

Time to Shoot the Easter Trading Bunny

Posted 5:04pm Sunday 22nd April 2012 by Callum Fredric

The Easter Trading Bunny has myxomatosis. He’s stumbling around, bleeding profusely, spreading chaos year after year. It’s time to put him out of his misery. Parliament has attempted to shoot him 14 times in the last 20 years, but they’ve been using a water pistol. A conscience vote is never going Read more...

The defamatory guide to NZ’s political youth wings

Posted 5:04pm Sunday 22nd April 2012 by Callum Fredric

To put a more positive spin on this article, think of it as a guide to help you decide which political youth wing you would be best suited to. Here’s a description of the stereotypical member of each of the youth branches of NZ’s political parties: Young NatsHoping to get hooked up with some Read more...