Time to Shoot the Easter Trading Bunny

The Easter Trading Bunny has myxomatosis. He’s stumbling around, bleeding profusely, spreading chaos year after year. It’s time to put him out of his misery. Parliament has attempted to shoot him 14 times in the last 20 years, but they’ve been using a water pistol. A conscience vote is never going to do the job. It’s time for the Government to grab the hunting rifle, whip its MPs into line, and pass a government bill.

As it stands, most shops are not allowed to open on Good Friday and Easter Sunday, with a series of bizarre exceptions (garden centres can open on the Sunday but not the Friday). Ironically, people can’t properly enjoy their enforced four day weekend because everything is shut. In the 21st century, these sorts of restrictions on life are not acceptable. Businesses would love to have the opportunity to open during Easter. Staff would love the opportunity to earn amazing overtime pay. It’s a rare potential win-win situation.

Until the ridiculous laws are changed, the best solution is some good old fashioned civil disobedience. Shops that defy the Easter trading laws can only be fined up to $1000, which means some businesses could still make a profit so long as enough customers showed up. Perhaps next year Critic could publish a list of all the businesses that intend to open during Easter, so students could reward these enterprising retailers with their patronage.

I’ll leave you with a random Easter fact: An American school renamed Easter eggs “Spring Spheres” to avoid offending non-Christian students. That’s right up there with “freedom fries” and “liberty cabbage”. Someone should really start a shop specialising in politically correct foods.
This article first appeared in Issue 8, 2012.
Posted 5:04pm Sunday 22nd April 2012 by Callum Fredric.