St Paddy’s Was A Wholesome Time

St Paddy’s Was A Wholesome Time

Other news outlets are wrong and students are fine, actually

On the ground reporting from Critic Te Arohi showed that, despite the ODT reporting “a night of St. Patrick’s Day carnage,” students largely commemorated the death of the patron saint of Ireland in a wholesome way. 

In keeping with the time-honoured traditions of yore, a dawn chorus of drum-and-bass music was heard around North Dunedin, which one student called “a surreal experience.” Snapchat stories seemed to indicate the fun began as early as 5am. 

A Campus Watch officer spoken to said music was going since at least 6am, though he thought students “woke up early to go to the gym”. 

Hearing rumours of a “human crush” and “massive bonfires burning a load of couches and random shit,” at the Lake House that evening, Critic Te Arohi went to investigate. On the scene were six cops. One of them said that while ambulances had to be called for some students who had alcohol intoxication, as well as some with “a couple of bottles to the head,” there were no violent incidents and students were generally pretty well-behaved. 

Within the party, the vibes seemed good. A second-year said: “I don’t know why I’m here, but I found my mates, and now I’m just having the best time of my life”. He was accompanied by two others who were celebrating their first St. Paddy’s Day. One, a Polytech student, called it “awesome bro,” while the other said “it’s really all about just making friends and having a good fuckin time.” They proceeded to offer Critic’s Chief Reporter a lime Cruiser in a funnel, which was graciously accepted.

Police on the scene said there was an agreement that music would be switched off by 10pm, because “it isn’t O-Week anymore”. However, the absolute madman behind the decks kept the DnB blasting well into 10.06pm. 

As the music died down, chants of “one last song” rang out throughout the crowd, and the DJ responded with a rousing “FUCK THE POLICE,” briefly elevating hopes of more partying. Rather anticlimactically, though, the lights went down shortly after, and students flooded towards other parties spread across Studentville. 

This article first appeared in Issue 4, 2021.
Posted 2:22pm Sunday 21st March 2021 by Denzel Chung.