Welcome to Issue 13, the Occult Issue.
Instead of writing an editorial this week we decided to construct a Ouija board and channel the eternal spirit of His Miraculousness Archibald Campbell, the First Critic Editor, may he forever be in our loins.
Critic Illustrators Asia and Saskia combined their ghost-summoning power with mine and we invoked his sacred name around a Ouija adorned with cutouts of naked old people, a stone from the cover diorama, and a Vicks vapo-drop.
After a stillness the plastic Sellotape ring began to twitch and Archibald imparted his sacred wisdom. First he went to “9” and then to the Vicks vapo-drop. A bead of sweat trickled down my nose from the pure spiritual power. I felt like Aang when he goes into the Avatar state and connects with all his past lives.
Archibald continues: “Q...Y...4...C...U...N”
We googled this seemingly-random series of letters and numbers and came to the twitter page of Ivonne Aquino Téllez. Once we translated the tweets from Spanish, the true intent of Archibald’s ghost became apparent.
“Ahhhhh shit me go out and see so many empty people, now I understand Neitche”
“The routine is the worst poison”
“It hurts to accept reality, but it hurts more to live in a lie”
“Life is always an irony that makes it a bit more enjoyable”
“Today I see everything clear nothing makes sense”
“Moods are just a pretext to get attention”
Truly profound. Thanks Archie for this gift.
Also we asked Archibald if I was a good Critic Editor and he went straight to “goodbye”. I was a little bit hurt, but not that surprised.
This is the last Critic before the break. If you’re missing Critic over exams, you can flip this edition over and read it backwards to discover a hidden Satanic message.