News

The snow hadn’t been causing the Proctor too much trouble when Critic spoke to him, and he had even been deploying Campus Watch in a truck to drive people home safely. Critic immediately formed a completely inaccurate mental image of a pickup truck doing burnouts through the snow with bogan Castle St residents hanging off the back clubbing baby seals.


Still, as the Proctor agreed, the ‘epic winter’ we have been having will at least be something to tell your kids about, and will undoubtedly be a source of greatly embellished stories for the folks back home: trudging to uni through ten foot snowdrifts, flatmates losing limbs to frostbite, SoGos frozen solid in the can etc.
 
Other snow-related activities involved people sliding down hills on a variety of objects, with Clyde St apparently proving particularly popular. The upshot of this was no damage or criminal charges, but merely a few less UniCol students walking around with the requisite brain cells to study anything other than Tourism.
 
In more racy news, a Romeo and his Juliet were recently found by Campus Watch on the roof of the Med School building, apparently engaged in a bout of “star-gazing”. Although from the sounds of it, when the Watch turned up only one of them was looking up into the night sky. We can only speculate about the shrinkage that would have occurred up there in this climate, and whether Juliet was actually looking up to the heavens silently asking God why she was nomming on a cocktail sausage while she froze her tits off.
 
Despite the best efforts of the nanny state, Kronic has still provided a nasty hangover for a few first years caught smoking it in their College of Residence. Fair to say they are no longer residents, and indeed are probably having a rock-off with Speedy right about now to determine who gets to be little spoon tonight. Other less rebellious children have also been caught smoking Kronic in the street, and while this is legal the Proctor described it as “not very intelligent.” Hugs not drugs, kids.
 
Meanwhile, in a heart-warming piece of news, one scoundrel busted earlier in the year for antics unnamed was sent up to the SPCA in Opoho to do some community service hours, and liked it so much that he’s now a permanent volunteer there. Whilst this is all very admirable, it does raise the question of whether punishment is really punishment when you are forced to play with adorable animals to atone for your wicked ways. A weighty issue in jurisprudence we imagine.