Nine streakers blessed spectators of the Highlanders vs Chiefs bout on Friday, May 5, who roared onto the field during the game (fully clothed) on three separate occasions - before being promptly clobbered by an ostensibly brutish security force. Though motives for the streaking remain a mystery, one thing’s for certain: the event provided a bloody good laugh for students lucky enough to be in the Zoo to witness it.
For those of you who haven’t heard the glorious tales of streakers past, streakers caught at the Forsyth Barr Stadium can face a $500 fine and a two-year ban for their sins. And if these rascals hadn’t been fully clothed, they’d have been slapped with a more serious fine of $2000 for public indecency. One breatha, Robbie, however, was disappointed in what he saw as a lacklustre effort on their behalf: “If you’re going to streak, you’ve got to do it right. Get your cocks out.”
Despite the hefty consequences, there is the (alleged) glimmering hope of escape lying in wait at the corner opening at Gate G. Ex-student Ben told Critic Te Ārohi that “what they don’t tell you about the corner opening [at Gate G] is that there is actually another group of security waiting there for you. So really there’s no hope of making it.” But the streakers at Friday’s game weren’t even lucky enough to make it that far, bless them, with most being pinned down by security just 10 metres into their run - well before they could pull off any real flair.
Cosplaying cops and robbers with security is the name of the game when it comes to streaking at the rugby. “The show must go on,” as the saying goes. But many students were quick to criticise the brutal nature of security as streakers were allegedly “pummelled” to the ground, even after having given up. Despite the Auckland-based security company Platform 4 Group (P4G) claiming to foster a “safe and secure environment for staff and the public,” many spectators suggested this was not the case. One student, James*, reckoned that “none of the streakers deserved what they got.” A full video of the escapades is on TikTok.
In the background of these antics, a seemingly rejuvenated Zoo was incensed at the sight of a (somewhat) resurgent second-half performance from the Highlanders. Get fucked, Chiefs. In the immediate aftermath of the event, self-proclaimed Zoo analyst Charlie posted on CASTLE23, “Seemed like my last post did some magic #thankyou.” Charlie was spotted at the game by the Critic Te Ārohi video team shouting, “Stand up!” repeatedly, at dumbstruck spectators. The general mayhem Zoo also saw cheese slices thrown, a number of strip-teases, and enough people fawning over Damian McKenzie to fill a bus.
While the Highlanders ultimately lost 52-28, the entertainment value of the streaking incident and other hijinks ensured that the crowd remained engaged. The only question now is whether the Zoo will continue to make headlines for the rest of the season.
*Name changed.