If I’m Anxious

I’ve been wishing hard
On every seed catch wooden railing first star
For those moments I’m afraid of
For the moments that I love

It’s like dust
The way the terror settles on everything
The way you forget that it’s there
Until you run your fingertips and come up coated
Say ‘Oh, how long it must have been’

I developed a cough

A violent shudder
The lungs contracted
Obligated to refuse the collection
Of the long thread of history
Drawn with every breath
Saying ‘I never noticed how bad it had become’

When I first came here
I developed a reaction
A difficulty of breath
From the pollen in the air filled the wishes
More vital than dust
Just as fearful

This article first appeared in Issue 11, 2018.
Posted 9:33pm Friday 11th May 2018 by Eliana Gray.