The Observer - How to dress sporty casual

The Observer - How to dress sporty casual

As New Zealandís future academia, you may have thought that there was absolutely nothing that you could stand to learn from the desperate housewives of New Zealand. However, it is a truth that if we did not have housewives, we would not have sporty casual; and if we did not have sporty casual, we would not have a socially acceptable solution to dressing comfortably for Uni. For there will always be days where real clothes seem like too much of a psychological obstacle. Fortunately we here at the Observer have come up with handy hints on how to dress sporty casual so that you may never come on campus dressed like a homeless person.

  1. Sporty casual, as the name suggests, is the beautiful union of two distinct concepts. Therefore oneís outfit must incorporate both. If this is all too much for one to process (perhaps one is from Southland?) we advise dressing casual on top and sporty on bottom.

  2. When it comes to trackpants, one must navigate this minefield with caution. If one finds oneself wearing polyester school trackies with zips up the side then one has stepped on TNT and anything grey and baggy from the Warehouse is the fabric equivalent of an atomic bomb. Note that cuffed pants, such as those by Commonerís, come highly recommended by the sporty casual Gods. However, beware of awkward sock situations.

  3. Puffer vests are the goose-down equivalent of a hug but be wary of being mistaken for a mobile trash bag (a likely consequence of shopping at Kathmandu). We recommend investing in a Huffer puffer or getting fancy in a fur trim puffer from Witchery.

  4. Gentlemen: socks and slides are a no-go. This isnít a campground and one isnít a pervert.

  5. Acceptable sporty casual footwear options include Nike Rocheís, New Balance 574ís, Converse, Vans and Windsor Smith Slides. Unacceptable footwear options include real sport shoes (you know the ones we mean) and flip-flops.

  6. One must not actually do sport in oneís sporty casual attire. Does one think that the founding housewives ever actually went to the gym post-school-drop-off? Of course not. Sporty casual is about maintaining appearances when oneís brain feels like a potato.

This article first appeared in Issue 12, 2014.
Posted 4:32pm Sunday 18th May 2014 by Emma & Liam.