Culture

Television networks have pulled their socks up over the past few years. The proliferation of piracy online means it is no longer acceptable to air international TV shows in New Zealand months, or even years, after their inception. Not that it was ever acceptable, really – we just didn’t have much choice in the matter.

We’re no longer slaves to the television networks, and they’ve had to work hard to keep their viewers. Last year TV3 managed to broadcast Homeland mere hours after it screened in the USA. It was almost quicker than piracy but you still had to sit through obnoxious Harvey Norman ads, so piracy remained the more attractive option. A for effort, TV3, but what can I say? I’m a fussy customer. Here’s what I want: TV shows and movies in high-quality digital formats that are mine to own and watch as I please. No ads, and bonus points if it’s all legal and reasonably priced. Who’s going to give it to me?

Overseas, services such as Netflix and HBO Go, which allow instant streaming of a huge range of TV shows and movies, have become extremely popular. In New Zealand, though, piracy remains the most reliable method for watching shows soon after they air overseas. For local content, TV on Demand offered by local networks is fairly reliable, but no one cares that much about New Zealand’s Hottest Home Baker, do they? New Zealand’s answer to Netflix, Quickflix, might be a step in the right direction, but its current catalogue is pretty lackluster (unless you’re really into Poirot). Besides which, if I want to watch a show more than once it’s going to eat up some serious data, and that shit’s expensive in New Zealand.

So what about films? You want a legal, digital copy of a film? Sure thing – you just have to buy the DVD or the Blu-ray first. Or the DVD and the Blu-ray. Point is, you need the physical copy. Alternatively, you can buy a film on iTunes. That’ll be $29.99 for Life of Pi, please. Available only on your iDevices because fuck you, that’s why.

I’d rather not invest in DVDs, a format that will linger for some time but eventually die. Discs are a hassle and if I want to play them on my tablet I have to rip them anyway. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Blu-rays are nice, if you have a Blu-ray player, but like DVDs they aren’t particularly portable. At least piracy provides a portable, reliable format that will work with most devices.

In an ideal world, there would be a legal way to buy a high-quality, DRM-free copy of whatever show you want to play as many times as your heart desires on whichever device you choose … at a reasonable price. Hell, there’s even money to be made off our collective thirst for nostalgia, as video game purveyors Steam have discovered. Offer up a high-quality digital package of The Simpsons complete seventh season for $10 or less and I’d buy that shit. Somebody take my money!

Whatever. Until that day arrives, piracy is easy, reliable, quick, and comprehensive. If you want digital copies of Gilmore Girls, or new shows that are yet to air in New Zealand (Orphan Black, Black Mirror, Fresh Meat), piracy is pretty much your only option. When it comes to Game of Thrones, piracy is definitely your only option. It is known.