Jack the Giant Slayer is no exception. It’s a big, silly film with a butt-ton of famous people paying for their second home in Maui. That’s not to say it doesn’t have any value – the CGI is an absolute visual feast! The beanstalk is GODDAMN AWESOME. It was my favourite character, and it wasn’t even a character. You could make all kinds of secret club houses in its crevices. For some reason I got the vibe that it would smell great – earthy but fresh. The giants were also impressively grizzly, looking like especially big and dirty Urban Factory bodyguards.
Unfortunately, the CGI fails to cover up the weak script and inconsistencies. For example, I doubt people of medieval times would say “I’m a bit keen” and wear Hallensteins-esque leather jackets (no matter how stylishly rustic they are). Although it was possible to laugh at such lameness (I certainly had an ironic cackle at the lines “don’t spill the beans,” and “you’re barking up the wrong beanstalk”) it was harder not to get annoyed that the only female character, Princess Isabelle, spent the entire film being repeatedly saved by Jack. During one of the 53 rescue missions, she even said to him “hold me,” which did not sit well with this reviewer.
My advice is to view this film with a take it or leave it approach: shrug off the plain stupid stuff to enjoy its simple pleasures (“Take it” – Ewan McGregor being wrapped up in pastry like a lovely Scottish puff. “Leave it” – the beanstalk having perfectly placed hand holds for climbers). At the end of the day, one should take every opportunity to hear Bill Nighy voice mythical creatures.
Rating: 2.5/5