E te whānau, it’s that time of year again. Whether you're with last year’s crew, a new flat group entirely, or you’ve just scrolled past your fifth Flatpack ad of the day, we all have one thing in common: flatwarmings. Your very first host. Yes, one of the most illustrious events of the year, certainly not one to miss. The crisp crack of your first can in your new abode, the fresh hole in the wall the next day your mate doesn’t remember making, and the inevitable scramble to finish your drinks before the Uber arrives, as well as packing a roadie or two. All of these things are quintessential to the Dunners student experience. But sometimes things don’t go so smoothly.
Interacting with new people sometimes means awkward banter filling the living room, and strained silences before you figure out what random shared interest you could pivot to in conversation. If you’re anything like me, you’ll have learnt to navigate these potential social pitfalls, but it’s something I’ve only picked up over the course of many years of flatting.
This year I have the privilege of flatting with five of the dopest wāhine. We decided to test the flatwarming waters with a micro-flatwarming, only inviting our nearest and dearest, like the sensible wāhine we are. Now, all that skuxx under one roof means our parties have to be awn, right? Wrong. We overlooked one thing: our mates don’t know each other. Our flat this year is a combination of varied socioeconomic backgrounds, races, and sexualities, which brings in an equally diverse range of friends. We expected them to click instantly, and unfortunately, it was a bit like water and oil. People were unsure what to talk about, or how to act. It was awkward! But this was a learning opportunity before we christen the flat with the real deal.
First off, let’s start by clarifying that although differences in these areas can be uncomfortable, it doesn’t mean we can’t get along. However, it does affect the way we understand and navigate the world. So naturally, not everyone is going to see eye to eye from the jump. Cool – we can work with that. But how do we close the divide between our social circles? Well, you’re in luck. I’ve got all the answers – here’s a list of everything that I’ve learned to keep the pāti hearty.
DON’T assume. Assumption is the enemy of connection and it makes an ass out of u and me. Relying on preconceived ideas and not first-hand experience stifles the social flow – lighten up tāngata pāti! If you find yourself in conversation with someone you wouldn’t usually talk to, good, listen to them. Let that conversation be authentic – you might be best friends in the making.
DON’T talk shit. Seriously. There’s nothing that screams “I suck” more than finishing a conversation and walking over to your mates with a “that guy is weird as fuck”. Um… Ew? Y’all are at the same party, in the same space, with the same people. No one is better than the other, and if someone were to be, it definitely isn’t the guy dogging on someone he’s too dense to try to understand. So don't be a dick.
DON’T exclude. Yes, this means anyone in attendance has the right to socialise, and it is our duty as committed party-goers to ensure everyone has the space to do so. And furthermore, don’t exclude yourself. If you don’t know anyone at the party, you won’t get to know anyone if you stick to the wall all night. Nobody likes a wallflower, and you are just as important as everyone else there, champ. So slap on a pair, and get to mingling, like the social butterfly I know you can be.
Now that we’ve identified the big three dealbreakers of a good party, let’s figure out what really makes the pāti hearty.
DO designate an aux champ. Good lord, if you follow any of this advice, let it be this gem. Music is mandatory, and every vibe must be curated expertly. None of that drum and boobies or whatever they call it. When you connect to that speaker, you hold the world at your fingertips. Whatever you play could make or break the night. Ask yourself: will you be the hero of the party, or the villain? Think about the music you and your friends listen to jointly, not just whatever niche genre you enjoy. A Spotify blend goes a long way, and be generous if people want to queue up a banger.
DO pre(pare). If you’re not preing before you show up, what are you doing? Pres can be a lot of things: getting ready in the mirror with the flatties, drinking a few with friends before the whole host starts, or getting takeaways and admiring your pre-party setup together. Like I mentioned before, hosting pres for the actual host with your closest friends can be a great way to get the vibes up so newcomers feel welcomed when they rock up a bit later. Anything to warm up those socialisation muscles. Nothing’s worse than showing up to a party stone cold sober, or after having crawled straight out of bed after not talking to anyone all day, only to remember that drunk people suck when you’re not one of them. Your night won’t be a movie if you don’t do some creative directing.
DO drugs (safely, of course). If it’s up your alley – give it a go, whānau! Always make sure you feel safe before trying, never use as a result of peer pressure, and make sure you’re mixing safely. Testing your drugs and other harm reduction methods such as TripSit.Me are always there to make sure you are having a great time, safely. There is a wonderful world of uppers, downers, and psychedelics out there. If that’s not your buzz, there’s always caffeine. Knock back a Monster, lock in for a yarn, and unleash the conversational beast. If you are using, make sure you’re using the right drug for the right occasion. K-holing at pres? Not on. A cheeky few lines before you hit town? So on. Remember: a box, a bag, a bong will never do you wrong (not in that order though).
Let’s recap, tauira mā. When we struggle to connect through avenues such as class, race, gender and sexuality, some sweet jams and substances could be the key to overcoming increasingly looming social divides. While it seems superficial, they’re things in common that can get the ball rolling. You don’t need to jump straight into deep conversations when making new friends at parties: an easy “what are you drinking?”, “where’d you get your top from?” or “want a cone?” are sometimes the key to breaking the ice. So whether you’re a North Shore trust fund baby drinking from daddy’s money, or a straight-up brokey reaping the gifts of student allowance, fear not. There is always a friend to be made – you just have to extend the right question (or the right line). So bottoms up breathas, sheathas, and everyone in between – here’s to keeping the pāti hearty!