With Dunedin Pride month firmly at our backs, a memory that stands out to me was Woof! and Dunedin Pride’s club night ‘Wetness’ on March 19. The dress code was the very elaborate “moist / thirst-trap / tropical summer / poolside swimwear / evening-wear skin / cabana cocktail / billionaire vacation” and, for once, I was underdressed. Everyone fucking slayed, and I vowed to do better next year. This was the first Woof! club night event I’d been to, and it was absolutely spectacular. As a reformed stoner girl, I’d missed out on my fresher clubbing days in favour of ‘za and a blunt or three, but now off the weed and strictly only on the piss, I’d vowed this year to get as rowdy as my postgrad flatmates would allow. You know, before my 23-year-old bones give out.
So there I was, feeling up my girlfriend on the dance floor, drunk off the cheapest cider on the menu and having the time of my life. We had been to town a few times before as a couple, but this was definitely the safest and most comfortable I’d ever felt. I had been looking forward to this event since it was announced, and had convinced my introverted partner for one last hurrah before she hibernated for the coming winter. I am so thankful to Woof! and Dunedin Pride for collabing and creating this event, and I can’t wait for the next one!
We left around 1am, heading to Night and Day for a wee treat before making the trek back to my girlfriend's. Unfortunately, Night and Day yielded no tasty treats, and I was still pretty fucked. I had already forgotten the five second conversation that had taken place between us and two older men who had come out of Woof! at the same time. I think I said some drunken combination of “slay” and “yass!” and continued on my merry way. But apparently that was enough to warrant an interaction.
We had just sat down in the Octagon and, much to my surprise, we saw one of the men approaching. He sat down, and asked me: “So, what does 'slay' mean?” I tried to politely put it in layman’s terms, but at this point I was a bit wary. And rightly so, because suddenly he asked, “So does 'slay' mean 100 dollars for a quick fuck?” My mouth dropped open. What? “That's nowhere near enough money!” I said, before telling him to leave. Luckily, he did.
Feeling underdressed was then the least of my worries. While thankful that the encounter was over relatively quickly and safely, I’ll admit that I was left reeling after such an unwanted sexual advance. Just like many others when in town, this was not my first experience being harassed. But this needs to be said: I wasn’t offended that this expired milk bottle of a man had offered us some loose change in exchanges for our goods and services, I was upset because we had been propositioned after coming out of an event literally for the gays, which he had seemingly attended. We had just come out of a safe space, and immediately gotten harassed.
Of course, this was not the first unwanted sexual comment we had received from a guy – it’s emblematic of a bigger, much more widespread issue of male entitlement, stemming from the patriarchal society we live in. Male entitlement is a belief that some men have, in that they are entitled to sex solely as a result of being a man. This continues to be normalised through the concept of “picking up” or “pulling” women, often thought of as a "game" where women are the prize. Male entitlement normalises the objectification of women and, further, the fetishisation of queer women like myself. Men have asked us for videos, threesomes, and more. It never fails to make me want to vom. I wish I had punched this guy but let’s be honest – he wouldn't have been worth the assault charge.
There’s nothing like a raggedy-ass man sexualizing you and your gf – simply for being queer and hot and sexy – to bring you back down to Earth where the straights rule. Because, once we crossed the threshold and had left Woof!, we were clearly free game in this man’s eyes. I truly doubt he would have approached us inside. I can’t imagine having the audacity of this guy, seeing two girls making out at a sign-posted private event in the gayest bar in town, and then proceeding to think he had a shot with either one of us.
Like, c’mon people, those two girls holding hands, or that one bi girl mate of yours, they (probably) don’t want to fuck you! Go watch some lesbian porn like the rest of us, and stop treating women – no matter their sexuality – as something you are entitled to just because you find us hot. We know.
Sincerely, all women.
P.S.
I highly recommend Woof! if you are looking for a queer-friendly bar, a place to drink with your girlies without being bothered, or even just a place to take cute mirror pics. I in no way blame them for this creepy dude-bro, and I am so grateful we have a space like Woof! in Dunedin.