This St Paddy’s day I was on a diet, so I bought a bottle of Jameson whiskey instead of beer. Instead of standing around in near darkness and hating our lives, a group of us decided to go for an expedition to the reservoir for a change in scenery. I did not want to be lugging around a glass bottle in a forest, so instead I fished a Just Juice container out of the recycling and poured about half the whiskey inside.
As we were about halfway up to the reservoir, one of my flatmates questioned the authenticity of my Irish ancestry and my love of potatoes before stealing my hat. Naturally, I could not take this slight lying down. I had to respond with force so I tackled him to the ground. But in the scuffle my juice container sprang a leak, and lacking any alternatives, I was forced to scull the remaining contents. This was not the best move.
If you sip a glass of Jameson by your crackling Irish hearthfire, it is sweet, smooth and relaxing. If you chug half a bottle of Jam=eson from a dirty juice container in a forest, it is foul, acidic and enraging. By the time it was finished, I could sense a blackout was definitely on the cards. But, perhaps thanks to the protection of St Patrick, I did not blackout, I just became extremely intoxicated.
The forest is a magical place when you are shitfaced. Even the simplest things like a cool tree or a tiny waterfall filled me with childlike wonder. Time had no meaning as I strode through the bush with joy, but it did not take me long to wander off from the group and become lost. Very lost.
After my shoes became wet after crossing a stream, it all became too much. In my daze I curled up next to a tree and resolved to wait until I had sobered up enough to soldier on. But just as a drunken stupor overcame me, I heard a voice calling through the forest. I looked up and made out a tiny silhouette in the forest ahead of me.
Stumbling to my feet I began to follow the figure through a winding path between the trees. Soon I found myself on a main trail again and sure enough I found my way back to the group in no time. I am told that I was only gone for a matter of minutes but who knows for sure. The forest is a magical place when you are drinking Jameson, especially if there are leprechauns about, and even more so if YOU are one of those leprechauns.
Tasting notes: trees, Just Juice, sweetness without sugar
Froth level: top o’the mornin’ t’ya
Pairs well with: leprechauns, mental breakdowns
Taste rating: 8/10