Drink of the Week | Issue 20

Drink of the Week | Issue 20

Longridge Sauvignon Blanc Wine Goon

At 19 standards for only $14.99 the Longridge Sauvignon blanc goon is a throwback to a better time, one of the last remaining outposts of the elusive sub-$1 per standard benchmark of yesteryear. 

It’s a delightfully playful number, with notes of citrus, ethanol and regret lingering on the tongue. While the consistency of the drop can, and will vary from bag to bag, it’s a remarkably smooth, dry drink that goes down considerably easier than many of its competitors. It pairs excellently with Budget Lemonade and V. 

Undertaking a night on the goon is a very serious affair, with strict rules and regulations that must be adhered to. Firstly, you should kick off your night by giving the sack a good hearty slap. It’s a helpful trick to inspire the courage to get the potentially rancid liquor down your throat. Secondly, if you truly love it, you have to name your goon! Get out a vivid and give it a personal touch. We opted to christen ours as “Looney Goons” and “George Bush did Goon/11”. 

Just as long as it is never served in a wine glass. Goon does not deserve a glass, it should be always consumed from plastic cups. If you ever end up in the horrible situation where you have a red wine goon on your hands, proper mixing is essential. A fun and delicious way to put your own spin on things is to grab a bag of frozen berries and whiz them up with your wine in a blender.  We decided to step things up and mix our goons with Icebreaker, which makes for a dangerously potent combination. 

The trick to finishing a goon is playing drinking games so you don’t have to actually taste it while sipping socially. That’s a tricky balance though, as it carries with it the potential of an early fuckout. Consumption of Longridge goon will put you at a serious risk of turning into the party creep, pashing your flatmates, vomming in public, and forgetting where you live. It’s a high-risk/high-reward investment that can result in an absolutely frothing night, or leave you passed out in a pool of your own drool. 


Dollars per standard: $.79

Overall Taste: 5/10

Froth Level: 9/10

This article first appeared in Issue 20, 2016.
Posted 1:05pm Sunday 21st August 2016 by Fred Flintstoned and Beerney Rubble .