Me Love You Long Time | Issue 25

Me Love You Long Time | Issue 25

None of you read this anyway. It’s just that little weird standfirst bit above the action below. But anyway ... The Blind Date has been at Metro bar for the last few weeks, and it sounds like they’ve been putting on quite a show. Great feed, good drinks, excellent service etc etc. If you want in on the action, email with your details.


I was excited about the idea of a blind date as I had never been on one before, so I was stoked when I received an email from Joe saying there was a space, but apparently there was going to be a twist for this blind date. The twist was that the date was going to be streamed live out of the Critic office, and the whole Critic team were going to be listening in while they made the mag. Jeepers, talk about adding to the pressure! It all started with a gorgeous blonde wearing a tight blue blouse walking in and saying “Hi” in her extremely sexual husky voice, perhaps love at first sight? But this was not to be, as she was part of the Critic team and not my date for this evening.

Around five minutes later my actual date arrived, a pretty Physiotherapy student. Yeah, I can work with that! Unfortunately she was not drinking, so Howie was probably going to be the only pussy I would be touching that evening. Special thanks must go out to the Critic listener who was requesting the roman tic playlist for the evening; it defiantly did set the mood. After finishing our food and waving goodbye to the fans on webcam, it was time to head off to Metro and have a good go at finishing a $70 bar tab.

I had another go at convincing my date that she should drink, and could stay at mine to avoid drunk driving home, as the bar tab was too much for one man who had already had a bottle of wine. The chat was going really smooth until my phone started ringing. It was my friendly gay neighbour ringing to say that he’d had some beers if I “wanted to come over for a drink later ;) ”. As flattered as I was, I was having too much of a good time to even consider leaving. We did not talk about anything too scandalous, but she did this real cute thing where she touched my hand and told me about all of the bones in my hand. It was a big change for me, as this was the first time I had been into Metro semi-sober, and the first date I had been on in a long time. All in all it was a fantastic night out, with great dessert at Metro. Will have to see where it leads.


So, I signed myself up for this blind date. I figured I had nothing to lose, and at worst, free food to gain. Given the fact I was borrowing my flatmate’s car, I decided to skip the seemingly traditional pre-date drinks, and so I showed up stone-cold sober. Probably not the best idea, since the date was “a little bit different”... What did I get myself into?

Turns out our date was being broadcast on the web, so to those who were watching, hope you enjoyed the stalking! And thanks for the comment about my rack, haha. I was glad to see my date was not a dud. He was actually pretty cute, and really nice. So thanks for that, Critic.

We had takeout in the Critic office in front of the webcam, while we awkwardly talked for a bit with all the Critic staff eavesdropping on us. They played all sorts of romantic songs in an attempt to “set the mood”. Eventually we ditched our 30 internet stalkers to go down to Metro for dessert and a few drinks. As we wandered to Metro we ran into one of my friends, who ironically had the same name as my date.

Then the real interesting and not awkward conversation started. We covered every topic from kayaking, to flatmates, the length of my finger nails, anatomy, sex toys, drinking games, injuries, skiing vs snowboarding, and how many people we had told we were going on a blind date. Turns out we were both being pretty quiet about the date. Not a hard thing to do though, since we both got about 12 hrs warning.

The dessert at Metro was pretty good. We considered trying to drink our way through all the bar tab, but the necessity for me to be sober to drive the car home and the fact that we both had relatively early mornings meant we decided not to make it too late. I am writing this at 12.15am, because I have been given a 4am deadline.

When we had exhausted pretty much every topic possible, he walked me back to my car and that was pretty much the end of the night. So sorry Critic, I don’t have a juicy sex story to tell you, but I do have his number, and who knows. I think there’s potential. We will see.
This article first appeared in Issue 25, 2012.
Posted 4:25pm Sunday 23rd September 2012 by Lovebirds.