Moaningful Confessions | Too spicy

Moaningful Confessions | Too spicy

So, we met on Tinder, as it goes. She was something pretty special, so after a few dates I decided to show off my skills in the kitchen with a candlelit dinner. I wanted to blow her (away) so I made the most creamy and decadent mushroom risotto a girl could ask for. I even got oyster mushrooms and saffron (you know, the little red wisps that cost more than your weekly food budget). I also had a fresh red chilli for a little kick. Now, I have a decently high spice tolerance, but this was pushing it for a basic white girl. Anyway, the risotto and wine went down well, and we were in the bedroom before I knew it.

My ego was in good shape from the validation of my culinary skills; I was confident that I could please her some more. I slowly made my way down to her pussy and worked her with my tongue like that hot, sticky risotto. Suddenly I felt her clench her thighs around my neck as her moans turned to whimpers, trapping me (but not in a kinky way). Breathless, I asked her if she was OK. The answer was a hard no. As any reasonable gentleman would, I tried to kiss it better but that only seemed to make it worse.

Then it hit me. "The chilli!" I moaned. With both of us very turned on but in considerable pain, we decided to cuddle for the rest of the night with my fingers and lips firmly away from her lips and pussy. The chilli had provided more than enough heat for the both of us.

On the upside, we’re still together. I guess all you need is Tinder and a little chilli to kick your sex life off right.

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Have something juicy to tell us? Send your salacious stories to moaningful@critic.co.nz. Submissions remain anonymous. 

This article first appeared in Issue 23, 2022.
Posted 9:17pm Sunday 18th September 2022 by Critic.