Archive

Editorial | Issue 08

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 21st April 2013 by Callum Fredric

8.30am – Arrived at Allpress for all-important coffee. Refused to reveal who wrote the “Cutest Barista in the World” letter in Issue 06. Critic always protects its sources. 9am – Downed some beers and novelty shots outside Leith Liquor with the Critic team to “take the edge off.” Read more...

Love Is Blind | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Lovebirds

ClydeI was already a few beers down when I arrived at Moon Bar. As I sat down, the girl across the table from me was no moonface – she had flowing raven hair, and was looking sexy and sophisticated in a dark blue winter coat and chesnut Italian leather ankle boots. I knew immediately that I wanted Read more...

Hi Dr. Nick | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Dr. Nick

Hi everybody! It’s a subject that we talk about all the time, but never actually discuss: tiny todgers. Judging by word of mouth, all men have a larger-than-average dick. This makes me wonder when the hell a members’ bill was passed redefining the word “average” to something other than what Read more...

The More Things Change | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Jessica Bromell

This week one of the better-remembered Kings of England takes the throne, which makes up for not much else actually happening. 21 April, 1509: The 18-year-old Henry VIII ascended to the throne of England and started causing trouble. His first order of business was to change his mind about who Read more...

Lez Feminables | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Glitter Grrl

Why are some LGBT against gay marriage? Some of them commented on my Facebook red equals sign DP saying they didn’t like it. The Facebook “paint the town red” marriage equality thing was a Human Rights Campaign initiative, which is why your more sceptical liberal might not be on board. The Read more...

Daily Grind | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by M and G

The Good Oil is like a female PE student. Her exterior has some seriously good assets that make you really want to come inside, but soon you discover just how thick and douchey she is and decide you have no time for her. This basically describes M and G’s relationship with the not-so-Good Oil. Read more...

Science, Bitches! | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Elsie Jacobson

It just got bloody cold. It’s dark when you wake up. The assignments are piling up. Mid-semesters are looming. Do you have the winter blues? Surprise! It’s a real thing. Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a form of depression that hits about 6% of people every winter, especially in places with Read more...

For Fuck's Sake | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Elsie Stone

#1. The issue with snacks in the library is that the sound of other people eating is one of the most aggravating noises in the world. The sound of crinkling wrappers or an apple crunching stirs a very dark rage in the core of my being. But snacktime is also the best meal ever invented (apart from Read more...

Get Out Of The Ghetto | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Phoebe Harrop

You don’t need me to tell you that New Zealand is beautiful. Everyone from Prince Charles to Bear Grylls can tell you as much. But just because you grew up here and you occasionally holiday in the Coromandel doesn’t mean you’ve truly appreciated New Zealand’s crazy-good nature bits. So, during your Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Jess Cole

As any keen cunthunter in Monkey can attest, getting it in two holes is indeed fortunate. Later, the ODT celebrated the cultural submergence of some singing students, despite the fact that a visit to the Chinese Gardens prepares you for Beijing like NCEA prepares you for the real Read more...

Love Online | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Lovebirds

Critic created a female internet dating profile expecting a low standard of suavity. But not even we could be prepared for the barrage of sheer ineptitude that followed, each new suitor representing a new nadir in the evolution of mankind. This column is a word-for-word transcript of an Read more...

Failient | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Callum Fredric

1) Salient’s sixth issue was on the theme of “Communication”. So when they devoted two full pages to an interview with a guy who gave a masterclass in how to use lot of words to say absolutely nothing, maybe it was an attempt at irony. Sample answer: “If you recognise the sacredness of every Read more...

The Leek | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Campbell Ecklein

Across the nation this week, supermarkets, grocery stores, dairies, and even the more extensively stocked gas stations have experienced a crippling shortage of eggs. Finding repeatedly that their egg orders were not being filled, some stockists became simultaneously incensed and curious, and Read more...

Proctology | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Zane Pocock

Despite everyone leaving town for the Easter Break, the Proctor isn’t short on stories. We start this week with a young man who “for some unknown reason grabbed the top of his table, went to the top of Clyde Street, and let ‘er go down the street.” Fortunately, “it veered off the road and into the Read more...

Editorial | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Callum Fredric

Dunedin exists on a different plane from the rest of the world. It’s a magical place, where money appears in your bank account every Tuesday, you can sleep until midday every day of the week, and there are very few consequences for anything you do. No other town has the same sense of charm Read more...

Love Online | Issue 06

Posted 4:40pm Sunday 7th April 2013 by Lovebirds

Critic created a female internet dating profile expecting a low standard of suavity. But not even we could be prepared for the barrage of sheer ineptitude that followed, each new suitor representing a new nadir in the evolution of mankind. This column is a word-for-word transcript of an Read more...

Editorial | Issue 06

Posted 4:40pm Sunday 7th April 2013 by Callum Fredric

I’m always up for a solid money-making rort. My car is adorned with dozens of parking receipts, designed to deter parking wardens from checking whether I have actually paid for parking on a given day. If I do pay for parking, I only buy 10 cents’ worth, limiting my liability to a $10 “expired Read more...

The Leek | Issue 06

Posted 4:40pm Sunday 7th April 2013 by Campbell Ecklein

Amid tight government funding, falling enrolments and increased operational costs, the University of Otago has had to accept a rather tight budget for 2013 in order to continue to provide students with the high-quality services we’ve grown so accustomed to. At a University Council meeting, Read more...

Kant Stop Husserling | Issue 06

Posted 4:40pm Sunday 7th April 2013 by Erma Dag

Some people want a ritzy inner-city apartment, in which they can recline on a bespoke eight-seater couch upholstered in the finest polar bear pelt, snort mountains of cocaine, and sit on their balcony dining on poached Galapagos tortoise and stroking their pet snow leopard while observing the plebs Read more...

Get Out Of The Ghetto | Issue 06

Posted 4:40pm Sunday 7th April 2013 by Phoebe Harrop

If your only means of getting out of the ghetto any time soon is the old waewae express, look no further than Dunedin’s local Mount Lee (that’s where the famous Beverley Hills Hollywood sign calls home). Signal Hill is a prominent finger of hilly goodness that rises sharply up from the Harbour, just Read more...