Booze Review: Soju

Posted 2:32pm Sunday 23rd April 2023 by Albert Einsteinlager

Soju sounds like a slur Walt Disney would use. It’s not, though. It’s booze. It seems that these days I have exhausted my excitement for alcohol. Bored of beer, sick of RTD’s, and left with broken spirit(s). The novelty is gone and I wonder what is the point of destroying my Read more...

Booze Review: The Ned Pinot Gris

Posted 11:28am Sunday 16th April 2023 by Albert Einsteinlager

Most Dunedinites won’t drink a bottle of wine until they’re face-to-face with a butter chicken curry. After all, nothing pairs better with naan than a $7.50 bottle of Cleanskin Sauvignon Blanc - the curry equivalent of a Happy Meal, served alongside what is basically the piss of a French Read more...

Booze review: Haägen Strøng

Posted 3:25pm Sunday 2nd April 2023 by Albert Einsteinlager

  Initially launched as a wartime ration distributed to the ANZACs, Haägen Strong has found its way to being a staple across the diets of many New Zealanders. Trying to find a can of this stuff while it’s on special at the supermarket is difficult, as its primary consumers are Read more...

Booze review: Byron Bay Brewery Piña Colada Sparkling Cocktail

Posted 3:56pm Sunday 26th March 2023 by Albert Einsteinlager

RTDs are like your friend's untrained dog: fun to play with at first, but with the potential to leave a child face down on the asphalt. Being little more than over-championed sugar water, RTDs have incurred a tenfold amount of bad karma than they have good. On the cosmic scales of justice, Read more...

Booze Review | Scapegrace Pomegranate & Doris Plum is a Pretentious Money-Grab

Posted 3:09pm Monday 15th August 2022 by Chug Norris

There is only one way a person could come to buy Scapegrace’s Pomegranate and Doris Plum RTDs: fresh from an exhausting day of abusing retail workers and making disapproving noises about the homeless, your average Scapegrace consumer is in much need of refreshment. Getting home and realising Read more...

Donate Now: Save the rare Purple Goanna

Posted 8:05pm Friday 5th August 2022 by Chug Norris

It is difficult to review RTDs because they are all so generic. Unlike beer, they don’t have a certain type of person culturally associated with the drink; unlike spirits, they don’t have a unique or surprising new way of getting people wasted. RTDs are made for the lowest common Read more...

The Tell-Tale Can

Posted 2:20pm Sunday 22nd May 2022 by Edgar Allen Poon

True! I am a thief, but I am not mad, just an alcoholic with a guilty conscience. I found myself out of piss and fairly sober at a party. Across the table from me lay, apparently unattended, an unopened and immaculate DoBro. So ice cold and refreshing, covered in condensation all along its red Read more...

Kiwi Lager

Posted 2:46pm Sunday 1st May 2022 by Chug Norris

In an attempt to reintroduce another salt of the earth NZ brew, DB have re-released Kiwi Lagers. Kiwi Lagers are so incredibly average and so unjustifiably expensive that the only people drinking this will be the 40-year-olds that drank this beer when they still had hopes and dreams of doing Read more...

KGB ‘Tropical’

Posted 2:55pm Sunday 24th April 2022 by Chug Norris

Have you become sick and tired of drinking the same toxic lolly water that you’ve been drinking for the past year? Is your current drink not giving you type II diabetes quickly enough? Are you ready to branch out and try something new? Well, buddy, you’re in luck! KGB have just released Read more...

Hardy’s 1L (all of it, it’s all the same)

Posted 6:45pm Friday 1st April 2022 by Chug Norris

Hardy’s is perhaps the most widely consumed wine in Dunedin. Not a BYO goes by where a bottle does not appear. The iconic one litre bottle towers over the laughably dainty 750 mL bottles on the table. But Hardy’s is also special in another respect: it is utterly shit. It is a symbol of Read more...

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