Rezzy Crooks, Covid’s least favourite band, has had another gig cancelled. After at least four Pint Night cancellations over the past two years, the band was excited to play a gig with Hot Sauce Club at the Crown Hotel. And then it was cancelled.
“It’s hard to put a number on how many gigs we’ve had cancelled, last lockdown cancelled at least four and postponed one. We’ve had four Pint Nights cancelled the day before. Five gigs cancelled within a week of showtime. Heaps of other bands have had shit cancelled because of Covid, but this was like a week before”, bemoaned frontman Sam.
“We wanted to say that Jacinda is out to cancel us because she doesn't want the New Zealand public to witness the Rezz”, said Sam. Rezzy Crooks, of course, being shorthand for “resin”. “Because Jacinda is purely anti-resin.” Another band member, Toby, said “it just makes sense, doesn't it? Otherwise why is this happening? It’s like the only conclusion we can come to.”
The band’s gigs have had a history of coinciding with Covid outbreaks. “The day after we booked the gig at the Crown is when omicron came into the community”, said Sam. Their past gigs have been similarly cancelled by lockdowns one, two and three. All within four days.
The band was now worried about their newfound power. “It seems like if we decide to have a gig then it’ll cause Covid. It’s like our fault”, said Sam. “Every time we decided to set a gig, the government responded and unleashed Covid.” Guilt was clearly wracking the band’s collective consciousness.
“The conspiracy needs to be extended further”, said Sam. “The stock market crash? Petrol prices? Big pharma? And The Man? What does this all have to do with it? We don't know, but we’re sure to find out.”
“They’re conspiring against us because in our last EP we let out the full secret on how to make resin and smoke it. And they wanna suppress it because if you smoke it you'll wake up and realise you're living in a tyrannical regime”, said Toby.
The band concluded with a shoutout to their two new songs, which we highly recommend you tune into as a way to rage against the machine. You can find “Cellophane” and “Strawberry Milk” on Spotify, as well as “Toni Hawke” and “Again, and Again” by accompanying act Hot Sauce Club.