Victoria IS the bomb

Victoria University in Wellington plunged into chaos on Monday morning when an anonymous email sent to the University outlined a bomb threat against the Easterfield building at the Uniís Kelburn campus. The building was evacuated and cordoned off for several hours while police used a bomb dog to search the premises.

A Victoria University spokesperson said that they were unsure where the threat came from or the motivation behind it. After a thorough search the Police deemed the building safe enough for classes to resume, though some morning classes were cancelled.

Speculation is rife that Critic Editor OlíMan Stockman initiated the threat to test the skills of Salientís (Vicís version of Critic) news division. When the Salient news team failed to secure a single photo of the incident Stockman was heard ranting in the Critic office ďWhat the fuck are they doing at that bloody rag? Iíve got Go Pros attached to every one of my staff just in case.Ē

The bomb threat was the biggest thing to happen to Victoria University since one of their researchers worked out that psychopaths prefer commerce degrees. In unrelated psychopath news, not many students know that Otagoís very own psychopath Clayton Weatherston used to work as Shaq the Cat, the much-loved mascot of the Highlanders.
This article first appeared in Issue 5, 2012.
Posted 4:26pm Sunday 25th March 2012 by Gus Gawn.