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Mark Richardson is an ex-Black Cap, Sky Sports Commentator and host of TV shows The Crowd Goes Wild (CGW), and The Cricket Show. He lived in Dunedin for 10 years, playing cricket for Otago and studying towards a BCom (which he has never used). He makes his money nowadays as an inflammatory TV personality. He is outspoken, openly misogynistic, and just a little arrogant. He doesn’t mind who he pisses off as long is it makes great television. Critic sports reporter Gus Gawn caught up with Mark on the rained out final day of the recent test match. Here goes …

Sitting in a hotel lobby talking to Richardson is an unnerving experience. If you have never watched Prime TV’s Crowd Goes Wild (6:30 and 10:30 weeknights), first of all, what is wrong with you? If you have any interest in sport at all, CGW is the way to go. It’s better than the sports news and it goes for a whole half hour. They cover a wider range of sports than 3 or 1, and it even manages to be pretty funny. Also I really don’t like Hamish McKay, his head just seems really wide on the screen. If you have been watching the show then you’ll know what I’m on about. Talking to Richardson is exactly like being on an episode of CGW. The dynamic is the same. You ask a question and Mark sets off. All he needs is a key word and he’s away. He provides long convoluted answers on whatever pops into his head. The tone is the same, the hair, the teeth, the tan, the forthright style; did I mention the tan? Richardson’s inflection is a strange combination of down-south, cow-cocky lingo and affluent Auckland suburbia. His speech is peppered with provincial expressions such as “sticks out like dogs’ bollocks” or “shit hole”; phrases which sit uncomfortably alongside media-speak such as “screen tests”, ”on-screen chemistry” and “ad-libs”. He looks and sounds a little like a nicely polished turd.

During our talk I felt myself slipping into the Andrew Mulligan (his co-host on CGW) role: Facilitating Marks ego. Phrasing questions in a way to get him riled up; giggling quietly as he bad-mouths his friends and colleagues, and struggling to move the interview forward by containing his rants to the relevant topics. The final task was a hopeless endeavour. Once he got going there was no stopping him. Our chat went way over time and we covered way too many topics to include in one article. So here are a few succinct (ish) excerpts.

On his on-screen relationship with Andrew Mulligan: “He comes from the broadcasting side of things so has a more professional approach, that means I can get away with being slightly weird at times”. Quite an understatement.

His favourite roving CGW reporter is jolly elf, James Somerset: “James McOnie has to work on various scripts and themes but when I watch Somerset’s tracks he just makes me smile the whole way through. I love his delivery. He has the ability to make everyone feel at ease.”

He really got going on student misbehavior: “I am disappointed with some of the changes I see around the University. I love seeing the old shit-holes, it’s part of the charm of Dunedin. That Zoo thing (at the Highlanders game) is fantastic. There was a great big fight and instead of hauling the guys out they just threw them back in. It’s a part of Dunedin culture. Coming down to uni isn’t just to get a degree so that you can get a job. It’s as much about growing up and learning to have fun”.

On being sledged by Shane Warne: “He used to call me “narfy”. Which I just thought meant I was a “nothing” player. He did it for two series’ and I didn’t really know what he meant. I found out later that “narfy” is actually Aussie slang for retard. I guess I never gave him any reason not to call me a retard”. Richardson got his own back by catching Warne on 99 in Perth in 2001. The closest Warne ever got to making a century.

Mark’s presenting style has stirred up some controversy in the past. Some haters (including co-presenter Mulligan) have labeled him arrogant, self involved, sexist and a misogynist. Richardson doesn’t disagree: “That’s how I’ve positioned myself so I just quietly have a laugh. I’m quite happy for people to think of me in that way. If people just take my style at face value and believe I’m really like that then obviously they aren’t the type of people I want to spend time around, so I couldn’t care less”.

Richardson vehemently denies using a sun bed or fake tanning products despite clear evidence to the contrary. He blames the lighting on set, his refusal to use skin care products, and his outdoor lifestyle for his clearly bronzed appearance. Bullshit.