Welcome to a new year of Execrable, the column that gives you an insight into the spiffing world of OUSA. The year has got off to a great start already, with the old OUSA logo that made the S look like a J being gradually phased out, allowing the Japanese Association to call off its Yakuza “negotiators”.

The beloved Hyde Street keg party is in jeopardy thanks to the DCC’s proposed street drinking ban in North Dunedin, but thankfully Logan has been talking with police and the DCC to find a compromise that will likely allow the event to go ahead as planned on March 24, with a few new safety measures. The road will be closed to traffic as usual, and a glass ban will be in place for the whole of Hyde Street, as well as a likely open vessel ban for nearby areas such as Albany Street.

Student Health are said to be happy with the idea of a glass ban, having had students making appointments to have glass cut out of their feet up to 5 months after the 2011 keg party. This had been distracting them from their primary function – checking Monkey Bar regulars for STDs.

OUSA wants to increase its engagement with students by holding “power lunches” with student representatives from various groups, with Logan holding the first such meeting last Friday. After listening to each rep’s concerns, Logan will draw up a briefing paper to present to the Exec so OUSA can work out the best way to “help these fuckers out”.

Amusingly, OUSA was approached by the Foundation for a Drug-Free World, who offered a bunch of anti-drug and alcohol brochures for distribution around the campus. The Exec decided it was a great idea, and gave it the go-ahead. Critic’s extensive research (Wikipedia) revealed that the Foundation is owned and funded by the Church of Scientology, which teaches that “75 million years ago Xenu [the alien dictator of the ‘Galactic Confederacy’] brought billions of people to Earth in spacecraft resembling Douglas DC-8 airliners, stacked them around volcanoes and detonated hydrogen bombs in the volcanoes.” But their “The Truth About Alcohol” brochure is legit, right?

Finally, OUSA is planning a 24-hour exercycle spin-a-thon to raise money for an upcoming neurosurgery appeal. They’re considering challenging a Department to add extra motivation. Critic recommends the CompSci department if they want an easy win.
This article first appeared in Issue 2, 2012.
Posted 4:53pm Sunday 4th March 2012 by Callum Fredric.