As Otago students return from mid-sem break, speculation from the shitposters of the Castle26 Facebook group has been at an all time high. Critical Tribune is here to put the rumors to bed and confirm the official Hyde Street Party flat themes.
Critical Tribune investigative journalists spoke to students around campus hoping to gauge reactions to the newly unveiled themes. One student, a third year named Richard Cheez, told us that he “can’t wait for the compost bin mould theme” and had “stopped washing his junk in anticipation.” One second year, David Mark Manchap, already donning a red hunting hat in preparation for the Catcher in the Rye theme, told us “I can’t wait to kill all the John Lennons.”
Critical Tribune reporters spoke to the hosts of the ‘Birds’ theme hoping to understand what their theme actually meant. Unfortunately, a few of the flatters wouldn’t stop cawing and another kept asking if we listened to Geese. Sure dude. Looking like he was dressed for yet another day of St. Paddy’s Day partying, Unleaded 91 Petrol host F. N. Greene added “birds should be out for the nude beach theme too.” Unfortunately for Greene, if it's anything like a real nude beach, it’ll be a bunch of old dudes (post-grads) repping their DnBs (dick and balls) instead of the ‘birds’ he spoke of.
Don’t expect to see anyone dressed for the Kafka theme inside the gates. They’ll all be walking in circles a few blocks over pondering their own existence. But what you should expect is a glorious afternoon’s worth of pretending it's Halloween again and way too many students doing their best impression of coked out Disney stars. Critical Tribune calls Miley.
